


Second Lessons

by TheVerbalTypo



Series: First Lessons [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: I apologise for my title choice, M/M, That is important, i am bad at titles, past ereri, relationship changes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-03-14 09:49:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3406166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVerbalTypo/pseuds/TheVerbalTypo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sequel to "Is It "Then" or "Than"?".<br/>Eren and Levi have had a great year since they moved in together, but their new challenge is dealing with their adult relationship. Mistakes can be made and lies can be told, but can cheaters truly be forgiven?</p><p>"When you want to be with me and you’re willing to let me give all of me to you, you tell me. You tell me, and I will love you in every way I know how.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have fallen into this trap again! But I am far more enthusiastic about this idea than I was for "Is It "Then" or "Than"?" and I hope you guys love it! As always, reviews and comments are appreciated :) Enjoy~

Friday nights in the city were still buzzing, no matter how far Eren had gotten from them. The rare ones he had were no different. In the year that he and Levi had been living together, he rarely went out. His father’s actions still haunted him; even if he was behind bars, the fear brought on by the memories was enough to paralyze him.

He had panic attacks that went as far as to wake him in the middle of the night, but they were becoming few and far between. Levi, however, had not noticed. He refrained from waking him when they happened, even though Levi had experienced his past ones. For months after he woke up, he had them almost daily, and Levi had been with him for every step. He taught him calming techniques, provided herbal medicines, he even noticed a variety of Google searches in Levi’s laptop. Lately, however, he wasn’t…uninterested, just busy. And Eren had stopped alerting him to the attacks. He figured he would have to learn to cope alone.

Tonight, his fear was at the back of his mind, as he danced and mingled with old school friends. The others were in college now, and Eren was saving to join them. He had started working at a garage, and decided that mechanics were the perfect way to go. He loved it, when he settled into his work, he forgot everything. It was what kept him going. Levi had so much work to do as a teacher, and couldn’t spend quite as much time with him, but he knew that would be the case. It was still more time than when they started.

Even so, Eren found his arm wrapping around a strangers neck while their hips pressed together. He would not go home with any strangers, he wouldn’t even kiss them, but the thrill of knowing someone wanted him was a high he hated coming down from. It was not that Levi did not want him; it was that the thrill was gone for Eren. He knew this is what being in an adult relationship was like, that it was not going to be the honeymoon phase forever, and he didn’t hate it. But he still yearned for attention that Levi did not give. He would still go home, shower and crawl into bed with him. He always worried Levi would smell someone else on him and assume the worst. Maybe he would smell someone else and ravage him to remind him why they were together.

Eren’s mind was pulled back to where he was, as his stranger’s lips were against his throat. He recoiled with a disgusted expression, hands rising push him back. He received a look of drunken confusion. He simply shook his head and walked away, back towards his friends, who had ignored his escapades. He checked his phone a few times through the night, Levi never texted him when he was out, but he still checked. Just in case.

After just a few moments, there was a new stranger breathing down his neck, and in a few moments more, they were coiled around each other. This stranger was better, less alcohol in his breath and a healthy understanding of limits. But this stranger was so much more intimate. He was holding Eren’s waist with large hands, his lips were moving towards his ear while Eren’s arms were snaked around his neck. For a while he couldn’t understand him, he assumed he was just saying his name. In the next few moments, the man was describing his thoughts on Eren, rather explicitly. Instead of pushing away, Eren clung, listening to the man’s thoughts, imagining everything he described, but with Levi. Levi pulling him towards the bathroom, Levi pressing him against the stall door, Levi bending over for him and pulling his trousers down. Eren felt himself harden at the thought. His new stranger assumed it was for him, and moved a thigh between Eren’s legs to press against him. Eren gasped and tried to pull back, but he held firm. Eren shook his head.

He attempted to shout the word boyfriend at the stranger, who must have understood as he backed off. He looked so disappointed in him as he did. 

* * *

 

Levi planted two cups of tea on the table, and left to grab a coffee. Erwin and Hanji had invited themselves over and were currently making themselves at home on his couch. When he re-entered, the two were lost in a chat about recent work opportunities. The conversation switched immediately.

“How have things been here, Levi?”

Levi looked between them.

“Fine, why?”

“We’ve just noticed that you’ve been quiet! We were worried things might be gone stale.”

Hanji’s response was unexpected.

“Well, we’re adults. Dealing with “stale” is when you’ve reached the perfect area of comfort, isn’t it?”

Hanji and Erwin looked at each other.

“Why do you guys keep looking at each other?”

“Well…where is Eren tonight?”

“He went out with friends”

“And why are you here?”

“Because I am literally 12 years older than him. I also doubt his friends would appreciate the supervision of their former English teacher”

“Levi, do you think you’re too old for him?”

Erwin finally joined in, and as always, had a question to make him think.

“Yeah, I am. But we’re happy.”

Erwin and Hanji exchanged glances again.

“I swear-“

“Sit down, Levi.”

Authority permanently outweighed any fight Levi had, and he plopped himself onto the couch, immediately reaching for his tea. He sipped slowly, his eyes darting between Hanji and Erwin. He was ready to berate them when Erwin spoke.

“Levi, for the last…while, your relationship with Eren has been less and less prominent in your life. As in, you two seem to be doing less and less together. It’s gotten to routine that doesn’t seem healthy, you two don’t seem to be communicating, and while it makes sense for you two to have separate interests, I – we feel that it’s in your best interests to have a chat about it.”

Erwin took a deep breath, as if he had wanted a rehearsed piece all out as soon as possible. As he looked between them, he realized they had probably discussed this more than once. Instead of chastising their interference, he took it as the sign of strong friendship it was. He took a deep breath.

“I won’t lie; especially not to you two. Things have been different. It has gotten to a point that feels like I was something in passing to Eren. Like we were never going to last, and the only reason we did was because of his father. I…don’t like it, but how do you say to someone ‘hey, are you getting bored of me?’, I mean, how do you prepare yourself if the answer is anything other than ‘no’? I don’t want to hear him say he’s bored of me already, even if it seems like he is. I know he dances with other guys; I can smell it on him. He showers straight away, he acts like everything was fine, spouts the ‘it would have been more fun with you though’ line, but I can smell the cheap bodyspray, he dances with guys who wear Axe, for Christ’s sake! Doesn’t he know how that shit sticks?! I always smell it, every single time he goes out. I hate it, but how do you ask that?”

His cheeks had flared up, he felt the heat in his face and Erwin’s arm was around him.

“Levi…”

Hanji took her turn to speak up.

“Levi, you need to talk to him. Him dancing with other guys is one thing but coming home smelling like them is another. It sounds…suspicious, I don’t know, I don’t want to encourage that idea, at all. You know I don’t want that, I don’t believe he would do that.”

“I have considered it.”

Erwin gaped at him and Hanji looked furious.

“Did he-“

“I don’t know, I don’t know. I just…he comes back with a new attitude and smell, sometimes so much happier that I think he has just gone and gotten laid. I don’t want to think it, but I can’t help it. The signs are there, but I can’t…ask him that either. It’s bad enough that I’ve gotten to a point of not trusting him that I want to ask him that, if I actually ask him, what will that do but stir trouble. I don’t want trouble, I want stability.”

“Can you have stability with someone you don’t trust?”

Erwin’s eyes were locked on his, and Levi could not help but feel like he was forcing him to think of his relationship with them, how much he trusted them, the fact that he would ask them if their behaviour had been a problem.

“No. No, I can’t, that’s impossible, but I don’t…”

Levi pushed away from Erwin and sipped his tea. He knew they’d wait. He put his cup back on the table and took a breath.

“I don’t want to ruin everything we’ve worked for.”

“Isn’t he doing that already?”

Hanji’s voice was shoving him back to reality, reminding him that he did not live in some kind of romantic comedy where everything would just work out in the end. He let himself fall back onto the couch, legs still to the side as he lay there staring at the ceiling.

“I don’t even know.”

Silence filled the room for a few minutes. Not an awkward one.

“You should say it to him.”

Erwin’s voice surprised him and he sat up to look at him.

“He’s stressing you, he’s making you worry and fret, and it’s not fair. You deserve to be treated properly and I don’t think he’s doing that. You can’t be expected to just stay quiet while he treats you like this.”

Erwin’s outburst was unusual, and the red of his cheeks was almost out of character.

“Erwin, how?”

“By asking why he smells like other guys? Making an observation perhaps?”

He sunk back.

“I suppose that is possible…I’ll do it tonight.”

Erwin and Hanji left late, and when Levi went to bed, he sat back to think about their words. They were right, of course they were. But the idea of asking Eren was still the most terrifying thought he could muster. He sighed and decided the morning would be best.

It was 2am when Eren got home.

He stumbled in and fell into bed beside Levi. He wrapped himself around Levi, drunkenly breathing in his scent and smiling. Levi turned, eyes barely opening, as he did. He snuggled close to Eren, nose dipping into his neck. Eren smiled and pulled the blanket higher over them, and he did not think to shower or even try to cover up the hickeys the third stranger left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting back into the swing of things! I apologize for any mistakes, please alert me to them. I wrote this rather late at night. Reviews are always welcome! Enjoy ~

The sun filtering through the curtains was blinding, and despite Eren’s attempts, he could not hide from it. No matter how hard he tried to pull the covers up, they seemed to be staying in place. Levi must have tucked in the bottom again. With his boyfriend in mind, he rolled over to search for him. In the process, he realized he was still wearing his clothes from last night. He attempted to rise and was smacked down to the bed by the pounding in his head.

“Ugh”

Although his groan was muffled by the pillow, he knew Levi would hear. Somehow, he always did. His senses were slowly fixing themselves, and the smell of bacon and eggs rushed into the room, followed by Levi himself.

“Oh good, you’re awake. Get showered and get back into bed, I’ve got breakfast.”

Eren barely saw his partner’s smirk before he left. He smiled into the pillow before managing to pull himself out of bed and start stripping.

The shower was the most welcome feeling imaginable. He felt it wash away all the pain and filth. He flipped through memories of last night in his mind. Images he just about remembered and sensations that followed, until he remembered the men who had tried to kiss him. He shuddered at the thought of anyone other than Levi kissing him anywhere. A strange image flashed over his mind’s eye; a tall man, rough stubble catching on soft skin, pounding bass. He shook his head, Levi would be up with breakfast soon.

Eren dried quickly, ignoring the wet mess on his head. He threw the dirty laundry into the basket and tried to tidy the bed before crawling back between the plump bed sheets. While he scrolled through his phone, he could smell the breakfast moving close. He smiled; it had been forever since he and Levi had just relaxed together. At the sound of the door opening, Eren put his phone aside, and instead admired the love of his life walking through the door. Levi’s bed head was one of the finer ones Eren had seen, sticking up at angles that were previously unknown to man. He could not help but allow his mind to fall back to how everything started and how they got here. It seemed so long ago, and Eren could honestly say he was surprised things were still going so well. It was a huge comfort for him knowing that he could rely on Levi for everything.

“Judging from the fact that you slept in your clothes, I’ll assume you had a good night?”

Levi was next to him with their breakfast tray.

“Yeah, it was good! Would have been better with you though.”

Eren smiled at the older man and was rewarded with a light peck on the cheek.

“You don’t have to butter me up, I already made you breakfast”

The two ate as Eren retold the more dramatic events of the night, primarily Connie’s drunken staggering towards some guy he thought was Jean for a brief comment on Armin’s backside. Levi nodded along; he still found it strange that this is what his former students were doing. Then again, that’s what he did at their age too. Reminders of their age gap hung over him again. Somehow, while lost in thought, Eren had moved the tray and plates and was pulling Levi to cuddle close to him. Levi, however, had different ideas. He swung his leg over Eren’s and settled back on Eren’s shins. The younger man smiled as hands trailed over his thighs.

“It’s been a while, you know.”

Eren smirked.

“Didn’t think you’d wait this long, old man”

They acted together, as if knowing the others intentions. Their kiss was hungry, demanding, so close to begging. It had been so long for them, and Eren could feel the bulge in Levi’s pyjamas grinding against his thigh. He felt the older man’s gasps of pleasure in their kiss but needed him closer. He gripped Levi’s hips and pulled him close, the friction causing Levi to gasp louder that before. Hands tangled in one another’s hair, they twisted and moved, and without warning, Levi was pulling Eren’s shoulders, and Eren was more than willing to oblige. He pushed the shorter man back onto the bed and immediately set to kissing lines over his throat. Everything was forgotten, last night, even breakfast. Levi’s presence consumed him and his lust filled eyes were nothing short of begging Eren to fuck him. But Levi was never submissive, no matter how close Eren got to becoming the dominant one. In a swift motion, Levi turned them so Eren was on his back, and in another, Levi’s kisses peppered over his chest and slowly moved towards his neck. Eren let out small moans and bucked his hips, craving friction. Levi stopped.

“Don’t be a teeeeeease!”

Levi pushed back off of him, he even went as far as to get off the bed.

“That’s so unfair! Why would yo-“

“Why do you have hickeys?”

Eren felt ice cold fear flood into his stomach.

“I-“

He tried desperately to remember. Why?

He gasped as he remembered the last guy he had danced with. One who had gotten closer than the others, had grinded his thigh between Eren’s legs and left him craving. One who sucked on his neck while holding him firmly by the backside. One that kissed him only once.

“Levi, I’m so sorry, I forgot-“

“You forgot?! What did you forget exactly? That you cheated on me? Again?!”

“Levi, it’s not like that!”

“Then what is it, Eren?! For months, every time you’ve come home, you’ve reeked of other men! You don’t even talk to me! I’ve done everything I can, I don’t know what more I can do when you don’t even seem interested! And now you’ve come home with hickeys?! Actual love bites from another man! That’s not normal, Eren! If you want to leave, just fucking do it and stop acting like I’m holding you back.”

His voice broke on the last word and Levi left. Eren threw a bathrobe on and ran after him, He knew he’d be in the kitchen, making tea. And sure enough, when he got into the kitchen, Levi was just pouring the water.

“I don’t want to speak with you right now, Eren.”

“You have to let me explain.”

“There is NO explanation for cheating.”

“I didn’t cheat!”

“Then what?! A magical man with a vacuum for a mouth tripped and latched onto your neck?”

Eren frowned.

“Can you just stop for one second?! I’m trying to explain! We were just dancing! I don’t know how he left these stupid things and I don’t know why! I remember him kissing me and me pushing him off and that’s it!”

“How close do you dance with people, Eren? Really? Do you just grind on everything with a dick?”

“Jesus, no! It was just dancing, just fun!”

“And that’s every night you go out? You dance and have fun and come home stinking of cheap bodyspray. Do you want them?”

Levi’s anger disappeared but desperation crossed his face.

“What, no, I love you!”

“But you’re bored, right? They’re your age, having fun, dancing, and you’re practically settled with an old man.”

Levi’s defences dropped completely, instead he took to sipping tea between responses. His heart was pounding while he waited, and he felt close to heaving.

“Levi, no. I’m not…bored. I just…we have different interests. You don’t like going out.”

“But, you’re saying these guys do. Does that mean they’re more suitable?

“No, of course not, I love you, Levi. Not anyone else. I love you for you.”

“But _why_ do you love me, Eren?”

The question left Eren gaping. It felt like a bullet had just rushed through his chest.

“Well… I don’t know, a lot of reasons.

“Tell me them.”

Eren grasped in his brain desperately to explain.

“I think that you’re too young for this, Eren.”

Eren tried to protest but Levi raised a hand.

“You don’t love me.” He smiled sadly “You tried to. And I was there when you needed me to be and that helped. I was what you needed; support, protection, a lover, but now I’m not. I don’t think you love me anymore.”

“Levi, Levi, no, please don’t say that, it’s nothing like that, please.”

“Then tell me why. I can tell you straight away why I love you. Because you’re kind, sweet, intelligent. You try your hardest for everyone and put your heart into everything you do. You’re a fighter, a rebel, you never give up, no matter what the consequences. You’re beautiful, in every light, with and without clothing. You put so much of yourself into your kisses and touches, and even more of yourself into the moments after. I love your little snores, your loud ones, how indiscreet your morning touches are. You’re kind, and interested, you listen, and you voice your opinion so well. You’re perfect…” Levi looked away with tear filled eyes “…but not for me.”

“Let me change, I’ll stop going out, I’ll go back to before!”

Eren’s begging was loud, but still didn’t convince Levi to look at him.

“Levi, please, I don’t want this to end, let’s try at least.”

Now he was crying too.

“You’re doing this for familiarity, not love.”

“Levi, I love you! I really do, why can’t you accept that?!”

“If you love someone, you don’t go out accepting kisses and hickeys, I don’t think you should even be as close as you clearly were.”

“I didn’t accept them!”

“Eren…I don’t want to fight about this. I hate fighting, but I also don’t want you to feel forced with me. I understand that relationships relax after a while. They turn into something almost routine and that’s not bad. It’s not bad to feel the need for stability, but you don’t have that. I do. I want to settle down, get married, I still want to travel, but I want all these things with you. Just you. For me, there is no “what if I meet someone else?” or “what if we break up?” or anything like that. I just want to be settled with you. But I feel like you don’t want that. Or at least, are not ready for it.” He let out a sigh. “I don’t want you to be with me for familiarity’s sake. I want you to be with me because you want those things too. I don’t know if we can work through this age difference without acknowledging what we both want, and if we want very different things, then I see little point in continuing. I’m not saying I want us to break up. But I’m saying we might need to.”

Levi took another sip of his tea. He hated saying everything he had to, but he knew otherwise, they would be going in circles. Eren’s face said he knew Levi was right, and the tears that were streaming down his face said he didn’t like it. The sight had Levi’s heart breaking and at any other time, he would have wrapped his arms around the younger man and stayed there until it was okay. But they had to be grown-ups now.

“I don’t want us to break up.”

Eren’s words were filled with sadness.

“I want to stay with you, Levi, I want to settle with you, can we please try? Can we try? I won’t dance with other guys, or let them near me, I want you, I just want you.” His tears made it difficult to hear, but Levi understood. He liked to think that was a sign of their connection.

“I want to try too.”

Eren crossed the room and wrapped his arms around Levi, pulling him close as if he was going to disappear at any moment. Even though he was glad they were trying, as he wrapped his arms around Eren, he couldn’t help but think this wouldn’t be enough to save them. He wished he could forget the words as Eren sought kisses, and he hoped that the Gods would smile on them and help them get through.

 

The day progressed awkwardly. Eren’s sniffling had not really stopped and Levi drank cup after cup of tea. By the evening, Levi was beginning to wonder if he should leave Eren alone for a while. That is, until the younger man marched into the living room in his pyjamas with a blanket.

“Are you cold? We can turn on the heating.”

“No, I think we should put our phones away and cuddle.”

It was a strange demand, given how long it had been since they had cuddled, but Levi decided to humour him.

“Should I change too?”

“Yup! While you’re gone, I’ll set everything up.”

Levi changed quickly, unsure what to expect from Eren at this point. He certainly seemed happier than he had all day, and Levi couldn’t help but hope that this would be a good first step to improvement.

By the time he returned, Eren had turned the couch into a cosy nest for them, and had loaded up “Friends” on Netflix. Episode one, season one. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Eren looked excited to see him. The two cuddled close as the all too familiar song played, and everything felt so normal. Well almost. Every so often, the marks left by the other man peeped over Eren’s t-shirt, and Levi would feel his stomach drop again. After a few episodes, Levi felt himself wanting Eren a little closer. Even though they were already a spool of tangled limbs, Levi twisted a little, landing chin to head with Eren.

“What are you trying to do?”

“Cuddle you,  brat.”

Eren smiled and looked down.

“This is nice.”

Levi’s face softened.

“Yeah, it is.”

Eren planted little kisses on Levi’s cheeks before pressing their foreheads together,

“I really like this.”

Levi nodded and stretched up to close the gap between them.

The kiss was an innocent one, pure love and adoration.

Certainly a fine first step.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologise for the time that it takes to get each chapter up, college and life are both pretty crazy right now, but thank you so much for keeping up and I hope you enjoy the new chapter :D

While Levi was willing to accept Eren’s apology and attempt to move on, he still was not quite ready to forget everything. The images prayed on his mind at every free moment and no matter how he tried to shake them off, they never left. When they lay in bed at night, curled around each other, he imagined the other man wrapped around him, tickling his neck with kisses. It ruined the experience. 

He was starting to realize how much thinking about this kind of thing was bothering him; Even if Eren promised not to let it happen again, how could he know? He was always going to worry about this. He decided he needed to vent, and for that he needed his two closest friends. While Eren was out running errands, he called Hanji and Erwin. They knew this was serious.

  


Even though everything was fine with Levi, Eren was worried. Everything Levi had said was haunting his every waking moment, and he could not help but wonder if Levi’s words held truth for him. He was meeting with Armin and Mikasa, no one else understood him quite as well. No one besides Levi. As he walked into the coffee shop, he felt eyes on him. Instead of waiting to see who it was, he made a beeline for the table his friends were at. They had already picked up his coffee and both looked worried.

“Hey guys!”

“Eren!” Armin stood to give him a quick hug and Mikasa nodded and smiled, though worry still masked her eyes.

“So what’s going on? Calling us like this is unusual for you.”

“Well…I made a big of a mistake. The other night when we were out, some guy gave me hickeys and-“  


“WOAH, how does that just happen?!” Mikasa’s anger still knew no bounds.

“Look, I was drunk and I barely remember it.”

“That doesn’t excuse it! If you don’t want to be with Levi, just break up with him.”

Since his engagement, Armin had been far angrier about Eren’s actions. It seemed Eren was the only one who wasn’t.

“I came here to talk to you two, not have you scream at me! I’m trying to work through all this shit right now, it’s hard, and dealing with Levi being angry is hard and I need to…talk it out, I don’t know. He said I’m with him for familiarity.”

The glances his friends shared seemed to consider the idea.

“Are you?”

“I…don’t know. Now that he’s said it, I’ve been considering it, but I don’t know if I’m only considering it because he said it or because it’s why I’m with him.”

Eren took a deep breath, the guilt was still swirling around in his stomach.

“He tried to break up with me. He really tried. He thinks we’re not right together.”

“Have you considered he might be right?”

Armin’s words left him speechless, and it was taken as an opportunity to continue his point.

“I mean, there’s a 12 year age difference, Eren. I can see his point. You guys don’t exactly have a lot in common, and I know he was there for you when you needed him, but that’s not a reason to stay with someone. I’m not saying you guys _can’t_ work, I’m just saying consider that you mightn’t. And if you don’t, but you stay with him for familiarity, you’re only hurting yourself and him in the process.”

Eren knew Armin was right. He still felt unfamiliar eyes on him and hesitated to continue.

“I really don’t know what I want. I can’t picture being without him.”

He flopped back against the chair.

“You know…” he turned to Mikasa’s voice.

“You’re focusing on what you don’t like about the relationship as if it’s not your fault. Have you considered maybe trying extra hard? You both went through a lot to get here, so just giving up would be insulting at this point. Maybe really try, like, make him dinner, spend more time together, try everything you can to make it work, and if you two still aren’t happy, then consider that you need someone else.”

Eren nodded.

“You’re right. You’re both right. Thank you.” He smiled for what felt like the first time in forever.

“Enough about me, how are the wedding plans going?”

Armin walked him through the entire plan so far. It took over an hour, and about halfway through, Eren realized he needed to pee. But getting Armin to stop during wedding plans was not possible. When he finished, his cheeks were red and his eyes were teary. Marriage was something that had always meant a lot to him.

“Armin, I am so happy for you.” Eren smiled at his friend and took his hand.

“But, honestly, I really have to pee.”

Armin laughed and Mikasa snorted as Eren rose from the table. When he got to the bathroom, he realized it was the first time since he had arrived that he didn’t feel eyes on him, and he was grateful for it. However, as he washed his hands, the feeling returned. He tried to ignore it, to will it away, but he couldn’t. As if reading his mind, someone appeared beside him.

“Hey, Eren, right?”

He turned and saw a face he barely recognised.

“Uh, yeah, can I help you?”

The stranger smiled. He was attractive. Broad shouldered with shaggy brown hair, he radiated a strange optimism that Eren knew but couldn’t place.

“I don’t think you remember me, I’m Milo. From the other night?” Eren’s face was blank. Milo chuckled in response. “I didn’t realize you were _that_ drunk. I think I left you those little letters.” 

Thin fingers traced like spider leg kisses over the skin of Eren’s neck, and everything came back to him. Those fingers pulling his hips closer, those lips next to his ear, those big amber eyes staring into his before they kissed. Eren stepped back from the sink and away from that distracting touch.

“Milo, listen. That was a mistake. I have a boyfriend.”

“But…you started dancing with me? You literally walked over and grabbed me.”

“I was…really drunk.”

Eren knew he was blushing with guilt. But Milo simply nodded.

“Alright then. I respect your choices. But a little advice, Eren. I’m not claiming to be a “nice guy” or anything like that, but other guys aren’t AS nice as I am. I’m pissed off to be honest, but whatever, I’ll get over it. Others aren’t as forgiving when you’re leading them on. Don’t look at me like that, it’s exactly what you did. You made me feel like I was important to you, that we could be more than this one night whirlwind.” 

Milo’s expression had changed, he looked almost upset. 

“I really liked you, and the way you were with me was special. I know it was just one night, but that one night meant a lot. For you to act like that…well…It’s shitty for me and it’s shitty for your boyfriend. Just…keep that in mind.” 

With that, he left.

Eren only stared after him. Had he meant that much to this one stranger? He felt a little rattled. Why had that man invested so much in him? It was just dancing. But…Suddenly Eren felt like he understood. 

It was like detention. 

At that point, he thought that was “just” detention, and look at where it got him. Each act of intimacy meant something, and that man, Milo, had wanted something to come of their dance. Eren’s memories were getting clearer, and now he could remember all of their interaction. He remembered how softly Milo had held him, with one hand on his waist and the other cupping his cheek. He remembered how he doted over him, little complements that made Eren blush and wriggle closer. Eren was also remembering what he had done. He had wriggled closer, but he had also wrapped arms around Milo, gazed up at him like he was lost in those eyes, allowed his lips to part knowing he had been looking. 

Eren had instigated everything. 

He felt his heart suddenly clasp in cold, and before he could stop himself, he was rushing out the door.

“Milo!”

He had barely reached the end of the hall and turned, confused.

Eren ran and flung his arms around him. He couldn’t figure out what had made him do it, but it was happening. And it took him a moment to realize he was crying too.

“Milo, I’m so sorry. I never realized, I just, I thought it was nothing, I thought it meant nothing, I’m so sorry.” Milo, despite his surprise, stroked Eren’s hair gently.

“It’s fine, once you understand what was wrong.”

Eren nodded into his shoulder.

“Eren, you’re not a bad person.”

Eren pulled away and stared up at him.

“But I led you on, I hurt you and I hurt Levi and I-“ Eren stopped at the sight of Milo shaking his head.

“No. You’re still not a bad person. A bad person would have done it intentionally and wouldn’t have run after me or apologised. You know you were wrong. You’re young, we both are, I mean, I’m barely 20. I can’t legally drink in some countries yet. I get the feeling what you have with your boyfriend is serious, far more serious that what I would understand. I know you were just trying to have fun. I got very invested, I know that. You’re a very likeable guy.” Milo paused to brush Eren’s bangs from his forehead. “You just made a poor choice. It’s not the end of the world. Even if your Levi did hate you for it, you’ve acknowledged what you did was wrong. You know you made a mistake, and learning is the first step to bettering one’s self, isn’t it?” 

Eren couldn’t help but wonder where Milo had been all his life. 

“You’re fine, Eren. You’re doing great. Thank you for apologising. If you need to talk, I can give you my number. I won’t message you until you message me, how’s that? If you need to talk about you and Levi or even just vent to someone who may not know you very well, you can talk to me.” 

Eren was already handing over his phone.

“I…I’m still sorry. Thank you for saying all of that, I needed it. Levi hasn’t been quite as…accepting.”

“Well…” Milo handed Eren’s phone back “I imagine he’s hurting. He has a great guy like you who came home with marks from someone else. Which I am sorry for, by the way. He’s just upset that his darling felt the need to be close with someone else. I know you can fix it, Eren. I’ll see you later, okay?” 

Milo smiled at him again, a sight Eren was slowly enjoying more and more. He stepped forward and kissed his forehead, before turning and leaving. Eren was ready to stand there all day until he remembered his friends were outside waiting for him.

  


* * *

  


Hanji and Erwin had taken their usual places around the coffee table and Levi was putting down their beverages.

“I have a feeling this has something to do with the other day?” Erwin looked at him before sipping at his coffee. Levi nodded.

“That night that we spoke, Eren came in late, smelling of guys again but this time…” Levi looked away. “He had a few…marks. Hickeys…”

“Please tell me you kicked his ass out!”

“I wanted to, but no. We’re working through it. It’s…annoying. I hate seeing them and knowing he was that close with someone else but, fuck, I can’t. I can’t break up with him.”

“But, hickeys?! That’s over the line, Levi! It’s fucking…sh…fuck…Erwin, help!”

Erwin sighed.

“Hanji, it’s his decision ultimately. We can’t force him” Erwin glanced at Levi “even if we disapprove.”

Levi rolled his eyes in response.

“We’re working through it.”

“He came home with hickeys and you’re trying to work through it?!” Hanji had gotten louder.

“Stop shouting, yes, because we are adults”

Hanji’s head fell into her hands.

“Levi, please. Look, please, Erwin won’t say it, but I will, you need to stop this. Hickeys!” Her head was shaking. “He came home after blatantly having been intimate with someone else, how can you-“

“I tried to break up with him. I tried”

Erwin stared at him and Hanji’s mouth hung open.

“I tried. I wanted to, and I tried. I told him he was too young for me, but…” Levi rubbed his face hard

“He cried. He cried and begged and I don’t know, I couldn’t face that. I’m so weak, but I love him.” He looked away from them. “I asked him why he loved me and he couldn’t answer. I think…I think he’s with me for familiarity. I think he’s here because he doesn’t know how to be with someone else. I think that’s all that’s keeping him from being with someone else.”

It was strange that Hanji was speechless. It was stranger when Erwin wrapped an arm around him. He curled against his dear friend and Hanji left the room.

“Where do you think she’s going?”

“I don’t think she can deal with Eren right now, she is so angry.”

Erwin rested a cheek against his head.

“Do you think I did the right thing?”

Erwin “hmm”d quietly,

“Honestly, no. But I understand why you’re doing it. You don’t want to throw this away after everything you’ve worked for.”

Levi nodded.

“But you deserve so much better. You deserve someone who doesn’t cause you this kind of stress, who doesn’t come home with marks from other men, someone who doesn’t make you feel like they’re only with you because it’s what they know, who is with you because you’re…well…you.”

Erwin’s arm was pulling him closer and he couldn’t help but close the space between them. He closed his eyes and took a breath. Erwin always smelled good, it was so familiar. It was the smell of home, comfort, and somehow, yellow. There was a new feeling working through him. He imagined this being a normal thing, would this be what it would be like if he was treated like this. It was new and he began to doze off. The last few nights were not easy for sleeping. He heard the front door open and immediately jerked away from Erwin. He looked up at the taller man, and somehow, he knew Erwin had gotten too comfortable as well.

“Levi?” Eren’s voice rang through the hall and Hanji reappeared. The look on her face would kill if it were possible.

“Eren!” Levi jumped to his feet to try to stop her; he did not need this, not now, not after such a nice moment.

“Hanji, no.”

“Hey!” He smiled at the brunette, but Hanji was having none of it.

“You listen here!” She prodded Eren’s chest, and his face changed. He glanced at Levi as he realized that this was not her being happy to see him. This was her being pissed off.

“I have put up with a lot in life, and Levi has put up with more. He has done so much; he risked his job to be with you, he risked his fucking freedom! He could have gone to jail! And you!” her prodding was getting more vicious. Eren was stepping back, mouth agape. “You have the fucking nerve to come home to him with hickeys from some other guy! I am fucking disgusted with you! I can’t even look at you right now! Just …I…fu…How fucking dare you?! I have never seen anyone treat a friend of mine so badly and if you do anything – ANY- **FUCKING** -THING – else to him, the slightest toe out of line, and I swear to you, Eren Jeager, you will never walk again.”

With a red face and teary eyes, she left, slamming the door behind her. Erwin was staring, Levi was staring and Eren was too shocked to move. He looked at Levi, but his expression was changing. His brow was furrowing, his lower lip protruding and through his angry tears, he was glaring at Levi. Erwin stood up, glancing at Levi and despite the begging Levi was doing with his eyes, announced his departure.

“I’m…going to check on Hanji. I’ll see you two later.”

The touch on Levi’s back was light, but he felt it, and it was more reassuring than anything he had ever felt.

When the blonde left, Eren immediately let loose.

“You told them?! Why would you tell them?!”

“They are my friends, Eren. I needed to talk about this.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me?!”

“Because I can’t get my thoughts in order with you. Just like you can’t with me. That’s why you went to see your friends today, you needed to talk about us.”

Levi picked up the cups from the table and went to wash them. Washing things would help. Eren followed, still fuming.

“So what, you just said “Hey Hanji, please tear into Eren when he comes through the door so he’s reminded of what a shitty boyfriend he is!””

“Fuck, no, Eren!” Levi wrenched away from the sink. “I told her to stop the second she started, but she didn’t! She is furious with you because she cares about me, Erwin is too. You hurt me, and they are feeling defensive, and that is not a bad thing.”

“I’m not a bad person! Can you stop acting like I went and fucked some other guy?!”

“How do I know you didn’t?!”

The silence was bitter; it hung between them like a pendulum.

“What?” Eren’s voice was low.

“I don’t know that you didn’t sleep with someone else. The problem isn’t what you did. The problem is what the results of it are. Eren, I know dancing with someone means nothing for you, but for me, it’s like…okay, just imagine I was out one night?”

“Levi-“

“Just do this for me, please.”

Eren shut up.

“Imagine I was out one night, and I, I dunno, some guy kissed me. I didn’t tell you, and then you found out from someone else. Imagine the horror, imagine the pain of realizing that I could have done anything and not told you. What would you think?”

“I wouldn’t trust you; I’d assume the worst…”

“Exactly. You would worry about what else I had kept from you. That’s how I feel right now. I believe you when you say that’s all that happened, but there’s still this niggling voice saying “what if?”.”

Levi turned back to the sink.

“What do we do?” Eren’s voice was so quiet.

“I don’t know. I don’t think we should be forcing this to go on longer than it could. Every night I look at you and imagine someone else touching you and it makes me sick. It has put this…this wedge between us and I don’t know if we can overcome it. I think we need a little bit of time apart. Not a break up. Just some time in separate places to think about everything and work out what we want. What you want.”

Eren couldn’t stop the tears.

“Do you think we can fix this?”

Levi hesitated.

“I hope so, Eren.”

 

By sundown, Eren had packed everything he would need for the next few days. Clothes, his laptop, chargers and other bits and pieces. He was going to stay with Armin, Jean and Mikasa in their apartment across town. Before he left, he stopped by the door, Levi was behind him.

“I’ll see you in a few days. I hope this helps.” Levi nodded.

“I hope so too. I…” Levi looked away from Eren then their eyes met again.

“I love you, Eren. I love you so much, and I hate that we’re going through this.”

Eren stooped to hug the smaller man and he clung. He felt Levi’s lips against his cheek and Levi tried to pull away but Eren held him close.

“I love you too, I swear, I will do anything to fix this.”

With one final kiss, Eren left. As he walked out to Armin’s car, he pulled out his phone. He hesitated for just a second before clicking the name “Milo”.

  



	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am constantly apologising, but it is my final two weeks of college and I am SO BUSY. I am so so into this fic, but finding the time to write everything I want to is borderline impossible at this stage. Thank you to everyone who has been leaving reviews and Kudos, they are so so appreciated. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter <3

After a week of ignoring Eren and hoping he was doing okay working through everything, Levi was getting accustomed to living alone. In a bid to avoid spending his free time over thinking everything, he had spent his evenings changing his décor. A new rug was the first step, followed by changing curtains, table cloths, and just about everything that could be changed with ease. Except bed clothes. That, he decided, was best left until everything else had been done. And that’s where he was left a week later. He stood at the end of the bed and couldn’t ignore the feeling creeping up in his stomach.

_It’s fine, it’s just bedclothes._

He stripped the bed of the familiar cream and black flowers, and changed to one he had seen in the shop a lot lately. The room itself was a dark grey with mahogany furniture, and the cream never really settled with him.  His new bed clothes were white with black, raised velvet, floral swirls, and even though it scared him to move the old ones, they suited the room much better. Some part of him felt like changing the bedsheets was a removal of Eren from his most personal space, but he didn’t see it as a bad thing. In their time apart, Eren hadn’t contacted him. He hadn’t even seen him. It made Levi wonder what was really going on between them, did this mean it was really over? He flopped down against his newly covered bed and began to realize he could function without Eren. For now. He missed him, of course, but he had often prepared himself for the idea that Eren would realize that Levi was too old for him and leave. Plus, he had done it for years before. It was almost comfortably familiar. He still felt lonely though, just a little bit. But he had friends for that. As if he felt his loneliness, his phone buzzed and a message from Erwin popped up.

_“Busy?”_

He tapped out a reply quickly before finally dressing himself for the day. When his phone buzzed again with an affirmation of plans, Levi was out the door.

The coffee shop Levi had picked was busy. He hadn’t expected it to be, but it was better than going somewhere Eren might be. He could not deny he had been hoping to avoid the boy. Even when he slid into the bench across from Erwin, he was glancing around to be sure.

“How’re you doing?”

Erwin already looked concerned and Levi shook his head.

“I’m fine, really.”

“I don’t know, you look…tired.”

Levi sighed, and glanced towards the waiter on his way to the table. Levi knew he looked tired. He could feel it in the way his face sat. He knew he had dark circles blotching his pale skin. He knew his hair was limp. He ordered his tea and his eyes met Erwin’s.

“Look, I’m just…not used to this. Living on my own again, even for a week, it doesn’t seem right but at the same time, I don’t hate it. I changed curtains and sheets, I even bought a new canvas for the living room. I miss Eren, of course I do, but I can’t help but expect that, wherever he is, he’s happier.” Levi sighed. “It hurts, but it’s likely the case.”

“You haven’t spoken to him?”

“No.”

“Have you tried calling him?”

“No, I suggested this break; I won’t be the one to end it. I need him to make up his mind about what he wants.”

Erwin’s gaze was intense. After a few moments, he closed his eyes and sighed.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I am fine, Erwin, how many times do I ha-“

“Have you been eating?”

“Of cou-“

Levi stopped. Had he? He had had a lot of tea over the last week. Dinner time was normally ignored in place of moving things and cleaning.

“I thought not. You’re coming to my place for food.”

Levi’s tea was placed on the table and he began to drink immediately. How had he forgotten to eat?

“You’re having a tough time, I know, but food is important.”

Levi nodded.

“I just…I don’t know how I ignored eating.”

“Look, a lot has changed for you. It’s normal to forget eating in times like this.”

Levi drank his tea quickly and paid. The thought of food was making him hungrier. As he silently followed Erwin to his apartment, he briefly wondered what Eren was doing.

* * *

 

Eren had been living with his friends for a week and it had only taken a portion of that time to realize what he had been missing. He had started thinking “this is how a 19 year old should be living”. Since his perceived break with Levi, he had been taking time to analyse life and how it worked around him. Mikasa, Armin and Jean were all in college, Eren still had work, but when they all got home, they still had fun. Movie nights, take out nights and nights out were very frequent. He had realized how much he had missed his friend and how much he had needed them around. Armin and Jean were reconnecting with him and Mikasa was following suit. Even Marco had been getting closer to him.  
After a long work week and a late movie night, Eren woke up at midday. He rolled over and snuggled close into the body next to him. He let his hands wander over pale skin. His companion let out a groan and pushed his hair back from his face.

“Time’sit?”

Milo’s husky voice still warmed Eren every time he heard it. He checked his phone, privately making note of no texts from Levi.

“12.30” Eren yawned.

“Mnnnearlyyyyy” he turned and wrapped his arms around Eren. They were still getting used to this. Their bare chests met and there was a moment of spark between them. Eren’s hands had made their way to Milo’s shoulders and were already massaging.

“What do you wanna do today?” He tried to keep his voice level despite the kisses tickling up his cheek.

“Hmm…” large but delicate hands pulled him closer still “I think stay in bed all day.”

In what seemed like less time than Eren had taken to blink, he was on his back, staring up into amber eyes. In what seemed like even less time, Milo’s hand was at his cheek, a gentle thumb stroking over Eren’s cheekbone.

“Hmm, beautiful Eren” he punctuated the nickname with a kiss to the forehead.

Eren blushed in response and instead let his hands trail over Milo’s ribs. His skin was so soft and pale. Standing far taller than Eren, Milo was slim but far from skinny. He was toned from adventures and life, and it still took Eren’s breath away. His fingers moved to Milo’s chest, tracing little patterns before creeping over his shoulders and into his hair.

“So messy…” Eren felt like he had been punched in the stomach as he echoed the words of his now former lover.

“Really? Hmm, I can fix that.”

All warmth was suddenly gone and Eren watched Milo’s bare back wander away into the bathroom. He sat up and started flicking through his social media. Milo returned just as he doted over a picture of a kitten. His hair was pulled back into a floppy bun. He took a seat at Eren’s knees and leaned forwards, picking at the cloth of his pyjamas.

“How about we go get breakfast?”

Eren’s stomach growled at that moment, and embarrassed laughter erupted from him.

“Yes, that’s a good idea.”

* * *

 

Erwin’s cooking had never been second to anyone’s and that hadn’t changed. After a week of barely eating, Levi was ready to pay him for the meal he’d been given. He didn’t even care that he was eating what could have been called dinner at 1 in the day.

“I forgot how good your cooking is.”

Erwin chuckled in response.

“Thank you.”

“No seriously, I didn’t even realize how hungry I was.” Levi shook his head.

“I’ve never once forgotten to eat, you know? Why should this be changing anything at all.”

“Because it means a lot to you. I know that you want to believe that you can get over this with ease, and in ways, you probably can, but you’re not going to drop a serious relationship overnight.”

Levi sighed as he picked up the dishes. They’d had this system for years and at least that wouldn’t change.

“I know, I know. I just feel like he’s probably doing fine without me, you know. He mightn’t be but that’s how it feels. I mean, look at him, he’s already gotten the attention of others before we even broke up, he’s –“

“Broke up?”

Levi hadn’t realized the words had passed his lips.

“Well…that’s what this seems to be. This whole “break” thing is so juvenile, and when he hasn’t even contacted me in the week it’s been going on. It seems like we’re broken up.”

“To be fair, you don’t know that. He could be having this exact conversation with his friends right now.”

Levi shrugged.

“Either way. I don’t think…I don’t think I can begin again with him. This would be the third time. It’s not normal”

“I guess for our age, it isn’t, really.”

They stood in silence while Levi washed the dishes. For the first time in a week, Levi’s feelings had been put out in the open and there was some silence in his mind. 

* * *

 

Milo had suggested an “all day breakfast” diner, and luckily for him, Eren was all for it. He loved bacon and eggs far too much to pass up. The diner was a nice cosy place, filled with yellows and reds that drew your eye. After finishing their meals, they stayed, chatting about their opinions, interests and nothing at all.

“But realistically – “

“There are no “buts”!” Milo was almost resting his head on the table laughing.

“Yes, there are! How do you know Nazi Zombies didn’t happen? You can’t prove anything!” Eren was giggling along, even as they rose to pay and he clutched Milo’s hand.

After exiting, the conversation sparked again.

“Eren, I can promise you, the Call of Duty series does not base itself in reality.”

“Well actually, you can’t. You weren’t there!”

“Neither were you!”

With their hands linked, their giggle-stuttered walk distracted them from everyone. There was no pressure, only a dreamy state of crush.

Dreamy distraction states, however, do not last forever.

They also don’t block you from those around you, and as they rounded the corner, Levi was the first one of the three of them to learn that.

His eyes got caught on Eren and his new stranger, hands wrapped around the others, laughing. It hurt. But there was nothing he could do. He was right. He turned and went straight back to Erwin’s apartment. There was nowhere else he could go.

A flash of a stranger’s black hair reminded Eren briefly of Levi before his attention was back on Milo, and the way the other man had pulled him into an alleyway. Eren’s back was against the wall, Milo’s hair was tickling his face.

“Eren…” it was as quiet as a sin on his lips and then Milo was pressed against him. One hand held the side of his neck, thumb tracing over his jaw as he kissed him with more passion than he ever had. Eren’s eyes closed and his arms wrapped around Milo’s neck. He pressed up onto his toes, pulling the taller man closer, ignoring that anyone might see. The hand that propped Milo from against the wall moved to Eren’s waist to pull him closer, and somehow, Eren thought he forgot how to breathe. Milo must have noticed, seeing as he pulled back, though their foreheads remained pressed together.

“Eren…” the name still sounded like a prayer when he said it.

“Let me take you home…to bed” Milo paused to push Eren’s hair back “my bed.”

Without hesitation, Eren nodded.

* * *

Erwin was settling into an armchair, the one closest to the window. It never failed to settle him. Seeing Levi like that had hurt him. They had been friends for so long, and Erwin had never seen him like that. Erwin’s head fell back against the back of the chair. Fatigue was finally settling in, but somehow, he knew the world didn’t want him to sleep. The pounding on the door after that thought screamed it, and he didn’t know how, but he knew it was Levi. The smaller man barrelled in the door the second it opened, tears were running down his face and the noises from his throat were somewhere between sobbing and choking. Erwin immediately attempted to wrap his arms around him, but the smaller man pushed him back.

“Erwin, I…f…I fucking saw him with…with some guy! Some hippie with this long hair and they were holding hands and he pulled him into an alley and, and, and” he buried his hands in his hair.

“A year and a half, a year and a fucking half and it takes him a week to just wander around holding hands with some fucking hobo and fucking in some alley and just…” his breaths heaved and he grabbed Erwin’s shirt.

“Erwin, how? How? I mean, I just, I can’t even consider that, I can’t, I could, I could get someone, but I didn’t, and he’s…wandering around like it’s nothing, like the last year, everything we went through, I almost lost my job, I could have been arrested and fired and I could be alone in a god damn cell but I stayed there, I stayed and persevered and for what?! To have him come home with hickeys, to get over us in a week, to forget everything about us to go fuck some hobo in an alley, just…” He knew he was making no sense, and his sniffles and sobs were covering up his words. He clung tight to Erwin’s shirt,

“Erwin…” He looked up through puffy eyes “Am I that easy to cast aside?”

Large hands smoothed over his shoulders.

“Levi, no. Of course not. He’s a child, he doesn’t understand.” Erwin pulled Levi into a tight hug. “He doesn’t appreciate you like he should. You’re amazing, and you shouldn’t feel any less because of one person. You need to remember who you were before him and bring that back. You need recovery time and some TLC.” Erwin clicked on the kettle and put his arm back around Levi.

“I’ll call Hanji and you’ll stay here tonight. What you need right now is your friends and comfort.”

Levi nodded against his chest, trying desperately to ignore the feeling that nothing was going to be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update, yay! It's coming to the last week of the year and a lot of my work can only be done in college, so my evenings can be spent on writing! This is the first NSFW chapter of this, it's relevant to the plot, but the warning is there for anyone who is uncomfortable.   
> Consider this a celebration of my second year being almost complete.  
> Enjoy~

 Milo’s room wasn’t new to Eren. They had spent their first night in together in it, but now he was seeing it with lust filled eyes. The smell of sandalwood and linen dusted the air and was caressed by the breath of Eren’s moans. He was tugging at Milo’s shirt, not moving it, only wishing it was gone. Milo was doing the same with far more accuracy. He had unbuttoned Eren’s jeans and was pushing them down over his hips while Eren tugged at his own shirt. Standing before him in nothing but boxers wasn’t scary. It could never be. Eren stepped forward. He found his bravery and forced Milo’s shirt away.

Somewhere in the middle, he decided to show his enthusiasm on his knees. He dropped and tugged the button free. His teeth caught the zip and tugged smoothly as tanned hands pushed them away. Long digits tangled in his hair, and they pulled gently when Eren licked and kissed the closest skin. Eren’s boldness was not going to be accepted, however. Those same long digits caught his hands and pulled him to his feet, and they wrapped around his waist. They toyed and played for a moment before pushing at Eren’s boxers, and teased for just a moment more before pushing his own down. Milo’s hands roamed over his skin, mapping every section that made him jerk and gasp. Eren was grasping at hair, skin, hands, before finally gripping his stubbled jaw. They froze. Hearts echoed and pulses thumped as their eyes met. Eren saw his green eyes tainted in Milo’s amber ones, and a sudden snap somewhere in his mind screamed that this was what he wanted. This moment repeated.

Delicate, sweet, maddening, tense, rough, tender.

Each heartbeat brought with it new feelings. His chest tightened and warmed as their lips met gently, more gently than ever before. Eren knew this wouldn’t be one night of lust and passion. This wouldn’t be them fucking mindlessly. It would be them making love tenderly. Milo was walking him backwards, hands suddenly hooking to lift him. His arms wrapped around his neck. It was too soon before he was dropped from those arms onto the bed and suddenly the distance between them was greater. Eren wanted to sit up and pull him closer, but in a breath, Milo’s arms formed a cosy cage for him and even with their faces so close, he felt the strength they emanated.

“Eren…” that name, _his_ name sounded more appealing than it ever had.

“Milo…” he pulled him closer for one more kiss.

“Touch me, please.” Eren could hear the begging in his own voice.

“I’ve wanted it so badly, please, I need it.”

Milo’s breath tickled the shell of his ear.

“You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to hear that. Since the moment, I met you. The moment I just looked at you, all I’ve wanted was this. You, underneath me, wanting me as much as I want you and…” he paused, staring for a tiny moment. “I can’t think when you look at me like that.”

Eren blushed.

“Like what?” he croaked.

“Like I’m the most beautiful thing in the world”

Eren’s breath caught as Milo’s fingers roamed lower. Lower than they had ever thought to dare.

“You have to tell me if you want to stop. I don’t want to rush this. I want this to be perfect for you.”

Milo kissed his ear while his fingers gripped Eren’s thigh gently. His hands drew circles on Eren’s skin, leaving a tingly wave surging through him. Milo’s fingers wandered lower still. They traced over his hole and Eren shivered.

“Is this okay?” Milo nuzzled closer. Eren nodded.

Milo pulled away while Eren shuffled up on the bed. He knew how this worked and knew better than to be upset at the loss of contact.

A bottle of lube and a condom.

The pop of the bottle lid excited him more, and he couldn’t help the way he twitched at it. Milo took his time slicking his fingers with it. Determined not to hurt him. Milo leaned back over him, and Eren raised his hips just slightly.

“Eren…” their lips met as Milo’s finger teased into him. He gasped into their kiss and Milo took the invitation. Their tongues brushed together, the moment seemed far more intimate than any before. The finger moving inside him was distracting him. Eren found his moans into Milo’s mouth were causing the slightest drool to form at the corner of his mouth. He tried to ignore it, but was suddenly self-conscious. Milo pulled back as he skid his second wet finger inside Eren. His tongue poked out to lick away Eren’s spit. The motion was so erotic. It made Eren impatient.

His hips bucked and silently begged.

“No, you have to wait, Eren. Wanna make it as good for you as I can.” Eren whimpered in response, but that whimper changed to a moan as Milo’s fingertips brushed against his prostate.

He felt Milo’s lips curve against his cheek.

“You like that, beautiful?”

“Y-yes.” Eren’s voice trailed. Milo had changed to a scissoring motion and he felt himself spread. A familiar light burn ached through him but it was the kind of burn that made him beg for more.

“Milo, please…”

Two words was all it took.

Milo was leaning back on his heels, rolling the condom onto what Eren now saw to be his rather impressive cock. He had fantasized a lot over the last week any night they had been apart. He had craved this touch that he had never felt with Milo and when Milo was pressing into him, it almost felt familiar. One arm became his pillow while the other kept him hovering over Eren. The feeling of utter fullness enveloped Eren and for a second, his breath felt smothered into the back of his throat. Milo settled inside him, sneaking kisses against his sweaty neck.

The first roll of hips brought sounds Eren had never heard himself make. Gasps, grunts and quiet pleading pillowed themselves against Milo’s neck. Eren wanted more, he wanted wildness and heat and lust, but with one glance from amber eyes, Eren knew this was more. This was passion, adoration, worship.

Every thrust was slow and calculated, fingers knotted in hair, legs wrapped around a waist and the leaking member between them was almost painful with want of touches. Each snap was met with a kiss. Neck, shoulder, ear, _lips._ Eren held that one in place. Each thrust of his hips was met with a thrust of his tongue, sliding like he was seeking out the sweetness only Eren had. One large hand left the pillow and curled over Eren’s hip. His cock bobbed in response, but Eren shook his head.

“N-no, just…” his eyes shut slowly.

“Just this, Milo, please, just this.”

Milo’s hand moved instead to the small of his back. Eren forced his eyes open to watch the most beautiful man pant for him. Every breath sounded like his name. The waves that pulsed up through Eren threatened to send him over the edge. That closeness made him realize how he wanted his first orgasm with Milo. With his hands still in long brown locks, he pulled Milo closer until their foreheads met.

Milo’s hips stuttered but his plunges got deeper and faster. His breath faltered with sensation.

“Eren… “

The moan pushed Eren closer to climax. He leaned forward to kiss him. That’s how he wanted to climax. With the taste of Milo on his lips.   
But something went wrong.   
Milo changed his angle, and with all the force of his lust, he hit Eren’s prostate.

Suddenly, the world was upside down, Eren’s breath halted and his head rolled back. One hand stayed in Milo’s hair, urging the man closer than humanly possible, the other went above his head and squeezed the pillow. Milo slowed.

It was no longer wild thrusting, instead, slow, deliberate strikes took over. Eren’s back arched, his neck arched and Milo’s name became a new intercession.

Wet kisses along his throat, the feeling of warmth shuddering through him and Milo’s voice telling him how beautiful he looked. They all combined, and Eren felt the first spurts of his orgasm land on his stomach as he called Milo’s name with enough force that his voice would not be well after.

“That’s it, that’s it, sweetie, come on, you sound so good.” Milo’s voice was husky and Eren pulled at him. This kiss wasn’t like before but it wasn’t quite wild lust.

It was unbounded ardour and obscene devotion. It tugged Milo over the edge, and he was moaning into Eren’s mouth. He pulled back to ride it out, his eyes on Eren’s as the name spilled over his lips without abandon. He rested for moment, sweat covering every muscle of his back while his breath tickled Eren’s chest.

“Come here.” Eren barely mumbled, but Milo knew.

He pulled out carefully and pulled off the condom. He threw it in a direction that vaguely resembled the one of the bin and he pulled Eren close. Eren let his eyelids droop, his breathing was still hard. Through the hardness of his chest, Eren could hear Milo’s heart. Beating in time with his own, the rhythm rocking him to sleep gently. Milo kissed his hair and smiled against it.

The perfection of the moment could not be ruined by anything, especially not thoughts of lost lovers.


	6. Chapter 6

 

Levi spent the day in Erwin’s apartment. He read, watched television, helped make dinner, but none of it was enough. When Hanji arrived, she listened to his story, and it took all the power in him to stop her from barging back out on to the streets to find Eren. She had hugged him over and over, hands scraping over his scalp and soft lips meeting his forehead. She vowed to help him forget Eren, but, even a night with his two closest friends was not enough to pull Levi’s mind from the images of Eren and his mystery man. Hanji’s endless stories and Erwin’s constant supply of wine and crackers did nothing but remind him of his teenage years.

Evenings spent with some dear friends underneath bridges and in forests, guzzling a mixture of vodka and Budweiser, depending on the day and what Levi’s father had tucked away in the cupboard. They shared tales of crushes and boxes of sugar filled cereals. Even in the rain, they had shared underneath a plastic covered wooden pallet fort with just a thin blanket protecting them from the dirt. There were days where they experimented, each secretly wondering what the others tasted like. They thought no one knew, but Hanji and Petra had spent many evenings rolling around on that blanket, and Erwin and Levi were no strangers to one another’s flavours.

Those days seemed so long ago now. Levi looked at his two friends. Hanji was snorting her way through a story about her work and Erwin was nodding. Everything seemed so like those days underneath the pallets and somewhere in the back of his tipsy idle mind, he wondered if tonight would be anything like those evenings. The same part of his mind hoped it would be. The way Hanji was leaning against Erwin’s shoulder made him crave his familiar warmth and deep down, he felt a twinge of jealousy. Hanji was tapping her phone screen sloppily.

“Moblit is on his way!” her announcement was far too loud and it made Levi smile.

“Levi” She stood and was waddling towards him. She plopped herself onto his lap in an unfamiliar way, and Levi almost braced himself.

“Levi, listen. You deserve to be happy. You don’t deserve to be sitting in here moping because he went off with someone else. I know it hurts, and it’s gonna stay hurting for a while. Maybe even a long while. But you’re worth more than that. You’re worth so much more than some teenager who doesn’t see how wonderful you are and how lucky he was to have you. Now you can go and make memories with someone who will actually appreciate you. And even if you never find anyone you want to be with ever again, you’ll have us”

Levi swallowed the urge to cry and instead wrapped his arms around her. He nuzzled against her chest but she knew his silence was gratitude. Her hands stroked his hair and her lips pressed against his head.

“You’ll be okay”

He nodded. A knock on the door drew her away from him and he missed her contact immediately.

“Moblit!” He heard the breath being knocked out of Moblit followed by light laughter.

“Alright, let’s get you home.”

“Bye, guys!”   
One door slam later and he and Erwin were alone.

The older man was already standing to clear everything from the tables.

“I thought that was my thing?”

Erwin smiled at him.

“Not tonight, you can relax, you need it.”

“But-“

“No “buts”, just relax, okay? You’ve had a long day, you deserve some wind down time.” Erwin shot a glance at the almost empty wine bottle in front of him.

“Plus, you’ve had quite a bit to drink.”

“Pssh, you’ve had quite a bit to drink!”

Erwin laughed again.

“Sure thing, dear.”

“Don’t you “dear” me, I can hold twice the liquor you can, old man!”

“I don’t know, I’m a bit bigger than you, I think that means I can hold more. Also, you have yet to stand up, so…” He let the sentence trail off and ended it on a smile.

Levi huffed. As soon as Erwin’s back was turned, he decided to try standing. At least if Erwin was right, he wouldn’t be seen failing.

He felt himself shake on his feet but still, he was standing. He picked up his glass and walked so carefully to Erwin’s kitchen. He stared at the glass, making sure it wouldn’t slip from his grasp. It wasn’t until he got to the kitchen and Erwin’s laughter interrupted him that he took his gaze away.

“What?”

“You just…you…” Erwin’s laughter stopped him from speaking. “You’re just trying so hard! You are concentrating so much. You’re a delight, Levi.” In far fewer steps than Levi could even consider crossing the kitchen in, Erwin was in front of him and taking the glass.

“Told you I was fine” Levi mumbled.

“Didn’t doubt you for a second.”

Instead of making his way back to the living room, Levi followed Erwin to the sink. He made the space between Erwin’s shoulder blades his pillow and wrapped his arms around Erwin’s waist.

The blonde knew he didn’t need to speak until Levi was ready.

“Do you think that’s it for us? Like, do you think he’ll ever want me back?”

Erwin stiffened.

“I don’t know, Levi. But I think that even if he does come back, no matter how much he begs, you shouldn’t take him.”

“What?”

“Over the last few months, you’ve been so miserable. He doesn’t make you happy, Levi. On top of that, he made you suspicious of where he was and what he was doing, he was dishonest, came home with marks from another man and now he’s fooling around with men in alleyways too. Why would you want him back? I know you love him but he’s so bad for you. He has treated you so badly and expected you to just take him back because he’s young and stupid, no. That is no excuse. You deserve so much better. You deserve someone who will love you and adore you in all the ways you should be adored. He is an adult in an adult relationship and he should be acting as such.”

Levi’s arms left him and Erwin immediately worried that he had gone too far. Levi was tugging at his elbow, trying to turn him around. Erwin expected screaming but turned to accept his fate. He had said his piece.

He leaned back against the seat as silver eyes met his own. Levi stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him again.

“Thank you”

Erwin stops.

“What?”

“I said “thank you”.”

“But-“

“Will you just shut up and accept it?”

“Yeah, eh, no problem.”

“I needed to hear that, Erwin. For ages, every time there was a problem, he would just hug me or kiss me or tell me it’d be fine. I didn’t need that. What I needed was to be told honestly that he’s wrong. Not to sugar coat it in “he didn’t mean it” or whatever. There’s no need to spare my feelings when he’ll just end up hurting me if he gets his way.” Levi leaned his head against Erwin’s chest, and Erwin almost thought everything was fine. Until he saw Levi’s shoulder shake.

“Levi?”

“It still hurts, it hurts so fucking much, how could he do it? How? Did I mean nothing? Was that it? Why is this guy so good that he can just…run off with him straight away? Did I waste a year and a half of my life with someone who was fine with being with someone else so soon? How can he just drop it, Erwin? It…fuck…no it’s so dumb.”

Gasps punctuated his every sentence. Erwin had rarely seen Levi cry, and he couldn’t figure out what to do. He bent a little and hugged Levi close to his chest.

“It’s not fair! I’ve never been treated like that, Erwin, not once! And then this…brat comes along and thinks he can just…mess me around! Without even thinking about it! He cheated and lied and came home with those fucking marks, and _still_ thought I would forgive him! I can’t…I don’t…I…” Levi took a deep breath.

“I don’t want him back. I just want to know why he did it.”

Erwin hugged him tighter and felt Levi trying to tug him closer. He felt Levi’s forehead rest against his chest and nuzzle into him.

“It’s weird, you know, I miss him, but it feels fine. I don’t mind sleeping alone again or being at home on my own, sometimes it would be nice to have someone there, but at the same time, it’s nice. It’s quiet. It’s like before. Way back when I didn’t get myself into shitty relationships.” He forced a small laugh. “I don’t think I’m going to want anyone for a while. I can’t. And I certainly won’t be after anyone so young. I…I can’t do that again, I can’t go through all of that.”

“Levi, you’re tired.”  
“I have been tired for a while, Erwin.”

“Well, tonight you’re going to get some proper rest. Come on.” Erwin wrapped an arm around Levi’s shoulder and tugged him along. Levi nuzzled into Erwin’s side. The man’s scent smothered him, it was one he was used to but still surprised him every time. The tiny hints of soap on his skin were enough to draw Levi in. Though all too soon; they were in front of a door. Levi’s mind raced. Was he going to bed with Erwin? Was this what he wanted? Why was this happening? Why did Erwin suddenly want him in his bed? Was this his plan this entire time? Was he sober enough for this?

“You can sleep in here tonight, I’ll take the couch. Don’t argue.” Levi shut his mouth. “You need rest, more than I do, I think.”

Levi nodded up at him with guilty eyes, some part of him was ashamed of the conclusions he had jumped to.

“Are you okay? Do you need help?”

“Actually I was wondering if you had extra pyjamas…” Erwin looked puzzled for a moment.

“Certainly none that would…fit you. But I’m sure I have something.”

In moments, Erwin produced long cotton trousers and a t-shirt that would have served Levi as a dress. Erwin laughed at the image and was rewarded with a punch in the arm.

“Quiet up there”

“Into bed with you.” He pushed Levi towards the bed

“Right, right, take it easy.”

Levi slid between the covers and looked up at Erwin. The concern on the blonde’s face was a look he didn’t expect. It was a look he hadn’t seen in so long, not since the days when he got himself in fights and tussles with bigger boys because of the names they flung his way, because of their snide comments. He still remembered his first fight and the first time Erwin had run to his side.

He was 14, more tiny and lithe than now. A taller, older boy was pushing him, it was almost enough to make him fight, but not enough. He wouldn’t fight yet. It wasn’t until he was caught by the tie and pulled close to the other boys face. He pushed his shoulders and fought away from him. But this older boy was too strong.

“What is it? I thought you liked being close to boys, you little faggot”

He was suspended for a week and the other boy’s nose was left far from straight.  
The next time was when a different boy cornered him in the bathroom, nudged him into the stall. He pushed back while the boy tried to plant kisses on his neck. When Levi’s knee met his groin, he snorted.

“What, you’re not a whore like your mama?”

That time had been worse, that boy had ended up with his head against tiles and later, against a hospital bed.

But after both of those times, and every time after, Erwin had been there. Waiting outside the principal’s office when he could, waiting in Levi’s bedroom when he couldn’t. When his mother only scolded him for fighting and his principal told him he needed to get his temper under control, Erwin would look at him with concern, would clean his wounds with little balls of cotton and nod along to Levi’s explanations of why they were wrong and he was right, and why they deserved every moment of pain.

That look hadn’t changed. It still shone through his cerulean eyes and it filled Levi with tenderness he hadn’t felt in such a long time. Erwin tucked the blankets in around him and patted his head.

“Sleep well, Levi.”

Erwin rose to leave, stretching as he did. He turned to leave but something stopped him.

Not some unseen force or sudden realization of his feelings.

Levi’s fingers wrapped around his own stopped him.

“Erwin, listen.”

Levi tucked his head under the duvet a little.

“Remember that night we slept in the same hotel bed because the room was freezing?”

Erwin nodded, internally tingling at the memory.

“Can…” he coughed a little. “Can we do that again please?”

“Are you cold? I have extra blankets, I have an electric blanket, a hot water bottle maybe? Oh what abou-”

“Erwin, shut up.”

Erwin stopped; instead he looked at Levi with curious eyes.

“I want you to sleep with me. Beside me. Just…I like your company and it would be nice. I’ve spent this past week alone and it’s been fine, but I miss knowing there’s someone else beside me.”

Erwin blushed at the thought. He stepped back, out of Levi’s grip. He took some pyjamas from the drawer and left.

He breathed deep once the door behind him shut. Could he sleep beside Levi? Would it be helpful? Would he be able to stay away from him?

He changed quickly and slipped back into the room. Levi sat up to look at him. Their gazes met and Erwin’s heart pounded.

Without a word, Erwin slipped into his side of the bed. He left a space between them and Levi turned to look at him over his shoulder. Erwin moved to his side, to face Levi’s back, out of habit. His eyes slid shit and his breathing fell into time with Levi’s.

Consciousness was edging away, their minds drifting peacefully away from the present. The air was filled with whispers of breath and quiet heartbeats. Almost unconsciously, only almost, they edged closer to each other. Levi’s back was warm through the cloth. Erwin’s arm slid over Levi’s side to pull him closer. The smaller man accepted. In just a few moments more, they melted into sleep together.


	7. Chapter 7

 It was been the first time Eren had stayed at Milo’s house. He found it was not quite as comfortable as his home, but the coffee-coloured rooms suited him. He took the time to explore while Milo was in the shower. There were plants on almost every table and sill, and every surface shone. It reminded him far too much of Levi.

He flopped onto the couch as he thought back over this morning. It was like watching a tape in reverse, until he got to the bit with the alleyway.

He blushed as he thought back to it. He was still surprised by Milo’s height after spending so long with Levi.

There was his name again.

And just like that, the reel in his mind played further back, all the times he had woken up with Levi. The way he would come in just a few minutes later with breakfast and a kiss on the forehead. And after breakfast, his hands would be on him again, fingertips kissing his skin in a way only Levi knew how. He missed that feeling.

Last night had been amazing, yes, but it lacked that particular feeling Levi gave him. He and Milo had sex, Milo fucked him. Levi made love to him. He felt the familiar sting of tears forming at the corners of his eyes. An image flashed into his mind from before Milo pushed him into the alley. The black hair that had reminded him of Levi. Had it been him? If it was, if Levi had seen him like that…Eren shuddered. He would never forgive him. But as it stood, could he be with Levi again? He thought back to last week, when their break started. It had been his fault, all of it, he knew that. The way Levi had looked at him, it was nothing but pure heartbreak. And if he saw him with Milo too, then there was no chance.

Levi’s words echoed through his brain.

_“I don’t want you to be with me for familiarity’s sake. I want you to be with me because you want those things too.”_

Is that what he had been doing? Going through the motions? Staying with him because he had helped when Eren needed him most?

Levi had every right to reject him, had every right to forget their time together, but Eren could still try once more. Just once more.

Just to talk to him and try to get him to understand.

He picked up his phone and typed. The clicking that filled the air was interrupted by Milo.

“Hey, you okay?”

Eren paused and looked at him.

Hair twisted at angles and a towel barely clinging to his hips.

Eren forgot the message when Milo settled next to him. All the feelings that he’d been harbouring for the last week suddenly overwhelmed him. He climbed into Milo’s lap and hugged him. The other man knew when to stay quiet.

He just sat silently, for minutes on end, hugging Eren tight, trying to wait until he was ready.

“Eren? What is it?” He traced patterns along Eren’s back.

“I’m in a bit of…a…mess, I guess.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Eren took a deep breath. He had kept so much from Milo. The first night they met after his break with Levi, he just cried without saying a word. Coming clean now was even more terrifying.

“Remember last week?”

Milo nodded.

“Levi and I…didn’t exactly break up. We started a break. Because of the marks I came home with actually. He was furious, and I guess he was right to be.”

Milo nodded again, hands dropping slowly.

“He forgave me but when his friends had a go at me for it, we had another fight and he said I was with him for familiarity and safety. I can’t say he’s wrong, I mean, after last year, he’s the only person I’ve really felt safe with…” Eren paused and thought. “Except you. With you, I’ve felt safe and good and everything is so different. Spending this time away from him has made me think that I really was there because it was what I knew. And now that has changed, but I think…” He sighed but Milo didn’t speak. “I still love him, of course I do. But I still want you…”

“Eren…”  Milo’s expression was something new to Eren, but only new because of who it was holding it. He was hurt.

“I know you and Levi were together for a long time and I know you love him, but should we…why did you come home with me? Why have you spent the last week beside me, clinging to me and acting like we are an…well like we are _us_ now if you are still so in love with him? Were you texting him just now to tell him about us or…” Milo’s eyes scanned his. “Or because you were about to go back to him?”

“I wanted to apologise for everything I’ve done to him. I have done a lot that I regret to him, and I at least want him to know I’m sorry.”

“And if he wanted you back?”

Eren hadn’t thought of that so he shrugged.

“I don’t know. I hadn’t thought of that.”

Milo’s hands dropped completely.

“So what am I to you exactly?” Milo’s brow scrunched into a frown.

“What?”

“Am I just some tool to get over him? Were you even going to tell me about that text to him? If you two got back together, were you just going to drop me? What do you think I am?”

Milo pushed Eren aside and stood.

“Eren, since we met, I have been so understanding with you and you’ve just…taken advantage of it. You’ve known my feelings and you allowed me to act on them. You let me sleep beside you, take you for breakfast, you let me bring you here and make love, what more can I give you? You just keep wanting to run back to him and you’re ignoring my feelings. I know it’s only been a week, but Jesus, Eren, I really fucking like you and you have made me feel like you like me too, but now you want to go back to Levi again. After cheating on him, no less.”

Milo’s hands covered his face, scrubbing lightly before they moved to support the back of his head.

“Look, if you love him, fine, go back to him, I hope he takes you back and I hope you treat him better than you did. But if he doesn’t, don’t come back to me.”

Eren’s jaw slacked.

“Milo…”

“No, Eren. You know, you led me on the first night we met and now you’re doing it again. You don’t want me, if you did, you wouldn’t have said you didn’t know. You would have said that you wouldn’t go back to him. Instead…” Milo took a breath and looked away. “Instead you’re treating me as a second choice. You only want me if Levi doesn’t want you. I like you, but I don’t want to be with you if it’s only because someone else didn’t want to be with you.”

Eren’s heart was pounding but it was so constricted. Again, the second time in a week, someone he cared about was getting rid of him.

“Milo, no, please, it’s not like that. I just…he won’t want me back, okay?”

“That doesn’t make it okay, Eren! That just encourages me to think that you will be with him if he wants you to be and that…that’s not what I want. What I want is someone who is devoted, who wants me. That is not too much to ask. Right now, it’s like you only want me until something better comes along and that is not fair. I’ve been messed around before, Eren, I could have rejected everything about you, I could have told you not to come near me after finding out you had a boyfriend. I know how he feels, knowing someone he loves is with someone else, acting in a way that only couples should act, I understand why he’s so angry, you’ve treated him like shit.”

Tears were running down Eren’s face, he had never expected this, he didn’t know what he could do. After all, Milo was right.

“Milo, look, no, it’s not that, I just want…I was with him for so long.”

“That does not make it okay to lead me on, Eren!”

“I’m not saying it is, I just…I’m not trying to lead you on, I really like you! It’s just I was with him for so long and it’s only been over a week-“

“It’s not even over, you said you guys are on a break! You cheated on him!”

“But we were on a break!”

“That is not being broken up. A break is just…time apart to try to fix things, it’s not a free pass”

Milo paced and Eren watched.

“Eren, we need to stop this, I can’t do this right now.”

“So what, you’re just…getting rid of me?”

“No…Yes…I don’t know, I just can’t do this.”

“Do what?! All you’ve done is blame me!”

“I...what?! I did everything I could for you, Eren! I’ve been nothing but nice to you, and you didn’t even have the decency to tell me that you two were still together!”

“We’re not, fuck, Milo! If we were still together, I would be there with him, not here with you! It’s over, it’s done, I just wanted to fucking apologise to him and you’ve just made this into a fight!”

“Because you said you didn’t know if you’d go back to him! Surely you can understand my position here.”

“No, you know what, I don’t. You’re not my boyfriend! You have no right to get mad at me for going to him, for anything I do with him!”

“Fine, then fuck off back to him! See if he takes you back after all your bullshit, I am done, get out!”

“Fine!”

Eren marched to the door, fists shaking and eyes stinging. He didn’t even look back over his shoulder, just slammed the door and tried not to cry.

 

* * *

 

Erwin never liked Sunday mornings. He hated how it meant work was just around the corner, how the day passed without anyone getting much done, how it was easy to stay in bed too late and sleep was impossible at night. However, waking up with a numb arm thanks to the tiny ball of a man suffocating it made his day far better than he thought it could get.

Levi’s soft hair was tickling the crook of his elbow, his tiny hand curled into his own large one. For the first time in weeks, maybe months, Levi’s face was serene. No worry stained his brow, no tension rested in his jaw, nothing, just quiet tranquility that he deserved and definitely needed. The next thing he needed was breakfast. Careful not to wake the little man, Erwin pulled his arm out from underneath him and slipped out of the room as silently as possible.

 

Levi breathed in deep as he woke. His head pounded and the room around him spun. Next to him there was a tall glass of water and two pain killers. He smiled as he took them.

_Eren knows how to take care of me._

He frowned. The pills felt like rocks dropping into his stomach as he remembered the image of Eren and that man falling into the alley way, wrapped around each other.

He tugged at the blankets, pulled them high over his head, shut his eyes tight to try to block out the image but it was there. It was around him no matter where he turned. The ice trickle of heartbreak consumed him again, and this time, there was nowhere to run. He was already in Erwin’s bed, he breathed in deep in some kind of attempt to distract himself. He shoved himself out of his warm cove of despair and into the shower. He scrubbed. He could feel his skin screaming back at him to relax, but he persisted. He ignored the tearing, the raw burning and scrubbed.

Showering can only fix so much though.

He felt refreshed, clean, almost relaxed, but there in his reflection he saw the weariness in his features. He didn’t look healthy or happy. He looked barely there, barely alive.

One person did all of this.

He balanced himself against the sink and stared at himself. Truly examined his features. He knew he was a reasonably attractive man. He was well kept, clean, never missed a hair when he shaved. He was stylish and cool. He had always loved his skin, how even, smooth and pale it remained. But over these past few weeks, months even, it had degraded. Now he saw flaws, cracks in his porcelain armour. Sunken cheeks, bags under his eyes, a vague tiny trace of stubble and an ill kept undercut. He needed to fix himself.

_I can’t stay like this. This isn’t me, this isn’t who I am. I need to get a grip. No one would want this, I don’t want this._

His gaze focused on his own eyes. Their silver brilliance had muted to dull grey. How could one person do all of this?

_Eren is gone. Gone. He is not coming back nor will I accept him back._

A stinging breath pierced his nose and throat, coated his lungs in steel.

_I am an adult. I am a good adult. I am a fantastic teacher, I am a good person, I am strong and I can do this. I have survived worse and I deserve far better._

He left Erwin’s en-suite to check the guest bathroom. Levi was no stranger here and in one small drawer he kept emergency toiletries. Razors, moisturiser, even a cologne or two. A few minutes later and Levi felt like his old clean self. He made Erwin’s bed to perfection and was folding the sheets back to sit back in when Erwin arrived in with a breakfast tray.

“Well, I’m surprised to see you so…”

“Alive?”

“That wasn’t my first choice, but yes.”

Levi smiled at him, but it wasn’t a coy one. It was a wicked grin that told Erwin reams about what Levi had been thinking.

“I feel like you’ve had a moment of self-discovery.”

“I have, Erwin. Fuck it.”

Erwin waited for more. But there was no more.

“Fuck…what?”

“Fuck Eren. Fuck him and his buddy and all he did to me. He is a shitty person and I am done, 100% done. I want nothing more to do with him and his cheating, lying ass. I think it’s about time I get my shit together and find someone who is willing to treat me the way I damn well deserve to be treated. Maybe I won’t even do that, maybe I’ll just treat myself.”

He took a moment to soak in his tiny speech, he expected some kind of reaction from Erwin, but he was met with silence. He looked across at the man, and saw a blank expression. No, not blank.

A combination of shocked and happy.

“What is it, old man?”

“I am just…I’m really proud of you, Levi.”

Levi smiled at him, knowing colour had tainted his cheeks.

“Thanks. So am I.”

 

After a long day of self-discovery through old hobbies, Levi was back home. Erwin had been kind enough to let him stay around but by the time 1pm rolled around, he needed his own home. Being alone was strange but he wanted to get used to it again. He had been so focused on Eren, he had forgotten himself, and now he needed to make his home his own. Maybe a new place would be better…

His thoughts were interrupted with a text.

There’s a specific feeling for this moment. It’s the moment when your stomach drops but feels sick at the same time. There’s a burning in your throat and you stop hearing for a moment. Your entire body is alight with a multitude of feelings. Sadness, anger, despair, and so many more. The only thing that exists is the thing that triggered it.

**Hey, sorry if I’m interrupting.**

**I want to meet with you, just for coffee or something, I want to talk about things, I have a lot to say. Is today okay?**

He glanced up at the contact it was from.

Eren Jeager.


	8. Chapter 8

Eren's stomach twisted into sickening knots as he stood, waiting. It felt like hours of staring at his phone with his pulse pounding in his ears. Levi had no reason to accept his apology or to even agree to meet him at all, and that was what made waiting so hard. He could feel eyes on him when Mikasa walked through to the kitchen. She stayed silent while she stared.

"He hasn't replied."

He saw her nod from the corner of his eye.

"What are you going to do if he doesn't?" 

It was something he hadn't wanted to think about, and hearing it sent a chill spiking through him.

"I don't know. I know he might not, I mean, he has no reason to. I was shitty to him but..." He took a deep breath. There was a sting in his eyes.

"Mikasa, what do I do? I know that all I can do is apologise, to Levi and to Milo, but where does that leave me? Twice now, twice in a month, I've fucked up relationships with two different people. What does that make me? It's like I'm just...not built for this kind of thing."

He rested his forehead on the hard counter, barely resisting the urge to bang his head against it.

"You're speaking as if you can't fix anything."

He lifted himself and raised an eyebrow. Mikasa could almost see the sarcastic response forming in his brain.

"Look, you and Levi might never get back together, and honestly, that's probably best for both of you. You've caused each other so much grief and maybe you two are just not compatible, maybe it's the age difference, I don't know. I hope Levi will at least talk to you, but relationships are work from both parts. Yes, you were pretty shit towards the end, but you are twenty. You're barely an adult. Mistakes were made and you'll learn. Milo is different to Levi. He's more, I don't know, relaxed, I guess? You haven't exactly broken his heart here. While he has every right to be upset, you can easily fix things with him. A week long whirlwind romance is not the year you spent with Levi, and even if he's hurting, what you have with Milo is way more easily healed than what you had with Levi."

Tears meandered over Eren's cheeks, pooled together under his chin and dripped down his shirt. She was right, this was a mistake. He wasn't innocent, certainly not, but he could try to be good, he could still have all the love he craved, this did not determine the rest of his life. An emotionally magnetic pull brought him to Mikasa. 

“He says I’ve led him on. He’s not wrong, I guess. But I never meant to, it was just so nice to be so…I dunno, carefree, I think? Like, it was relaxed and everything with Levi was so serious. I think the age gap, it really did make a difference. I see that now, I know it’s late, but I see it. I don’t regret a second of it, I loved him, I still do, I love him so much, Mika, so fucking much, but this whole thing…we’re no good for each other. No amount of love can make up for having nothing else.”

Mikasa nodded against his shoulder.

“At least you know that now, you know? I mean, yeah, like I said, it’s a bit late, but you’ve learned and you’ll know for the future. You have to make mistakes to grow and you have to be heartbroken to learn to love.”

The _ping_ of Eren’s phone drew them out of their doting haze. Mikasa felt him gasp and let her friend go.

“Go, see what he says. I’m here for you regardless of what he thinks. You’ll be fine.”

She smiled and left Eren to read Levi’s final answer, but not before turning and calling to him.

“And if he’s a dick about it, I’ll be sure to feed him his teeth!”

 

Levi didn’t know why he agreed to meet Eren. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought it would give him some closure. Maybe this was what he needed to let go, maybe it would stall that process. But, he knew it was the adult thing to do. Even though he very much did not want to be an adult about it. He wanted to bitch at Eren, scream and fight and make him feel everything he had felt. He sipped his tea. That wouldn’t be how things would go. They were adults, not children. And relationships were made to be tested. Theirs just couldn’t stand the tests they were given. It saddened Levi to think he would never again wake up to that messy chestnut hair, never again set their coffee machine before he left so it would be ready for Eren, and never again find himself lost in the sparkling teal of his eyes. The thought left his heart heavy but he knew that no matter what Eren had to say, no matter how he begged or pleaded, he couldn’t go back. He knew now that they couldn’t work, that they _wouldn’t_ work. Just because they were in love didn’t mean they were right for each other.

The swing and click of the door drew his focus, and he saw the familiar form of Eren beside his table, fist clasped tight around his bag strap.

“Sorry I’m late, traffic.”

It was almost a squeak, Eren was worried that Levi was angry.

“It’s fine, sit, do you want something?”

“Yeah, I’ll just order real quick.”

Levi watched his back as he left and tried not to stare when Eren stood at the counter with one hip cocked and a dazzling smile.

His heart swelled up, almost filling itself with all the reasons Levi had fallen in love with him. He kept his eyes trained on his tea until Eren returned. The silence that enveloped them was uncomfortable at best, and impatience nipped at Levi’s mind.

“So, are you going to talk? You’re the one who wanted to meet me.”

Eren nodded and blushed, words scrambled around in his brain in an attempt to form a coherent sentence. It was like being Levi’s student all over again.

“Oh, uhm. Yeah. Okay. Well.”

There was another pause, though this one ended much faster.

“Levi, I’m sorry.”

Levi nodded, encouraging him to continue. Surely it wouldn’t stop there.

“I don’t really know where to go from there. I just…I’m really sorry for everything that happened between us. I’m sorry that I didn’t appreciate you, and took you for granted, and I just…I’ve been realizing over the last week how much I missed you and-“

“Wait, what?”

Eren stared.

“”Wait, what” what?”

“You _missed_ me? _Missed me?!”_

Levi’s voice dropped to a whisper.

“Eren, I saw you getting dragged into an alley by some fucking hippie, and you have the _nerve_ to tell me you _missed me?_ ”

“Hippie? Wait, Milo?”

“I don’t fucking know”

“He’s my friend!”

“So was the guy who left all of those hickies on your neck, wasn’t he?”

Eren’s face dropped and Levi’s did too.

“Eren.”

Eren felt his face pale.

“Was it him? Was that the guy who left those marks?”

Eren stayed silent.

“You have to be fucking kidding me, you’re dating the guy you cheated on me with?!”

Levi’s voice was rising.

“No, no, Levi, keep it down, I di-“

“No, I will not keep it down, Eren, you-“

“I didn’t cheat on you! We already talked about this, I didn’t!”

“You know what, Eren, I don’t fucking care, I just don’t fucking care, I am done, I am so fucking done dealing with you and your childish shit, this is a pile of shit, I am done, just…done.”

The last word was a whisper, but it held more meaning than every other word in the sentence. Levi was done with him. The older man stormed out, leaving Eren and the rest of the café staring. He felt his heart battering his sternum, his oesophagus was on the verge of heaving, his tears were acid on his lashes. Ignoring the all too obvious stares and murmurs, he charged out after him.

“Levi! Levi, wait! Just listen!"

“No, Eren, I am done with listening. I have listened and listened and now you need to listen. I am done with you. This is it, I wanted this coffee to be a proper adult chat, but if you can’t even be honest with me, we’re through. Clearly you thought that was the case already anyway.”

“What, and you’re completely innocent? You’re going to pretend you’ve-“

“I don’t have to pretend anything!” Levi spat. The flow of people around them was slow. The sky was so clear and bright, it almost paralleled the dark clouds of anger between them. Levi raised an accusing finger.

“I have not so much as _looked_ at another man in the last year and a half. The same cannot be said for you. Your lips have touched two people that weren’t me in the time we’ve been together, and that is fucking disgusting. Don’t stand here and act like you made one little mistake, and that your age and your pretty looks will get you out of it. This is finished, Eren. I was hoping we would at least finish on decent terms, but if you’re going to lie to me, I don’t want to know you. I don’t need that in my life. I don’t need your lies and deceit and utter _bullshit_. Come over to collect what you have in the apartment next weekend. I’m moving out of there and if your shit is still there, I won’t be dragging it along. Goodbye, Eren.”

Eren wanted to go after him, he really did. He wanted to cry and beg and cling to Levi, but he couldn’t. He knew it was best to leave him go. But watching Levi’s back as he walked away shattered his heart, and he knew that this was really the end for them.

 

Levi hadn’t wanted to have a screaming match; it was, in fact, the _very_ last thing he wanted. But he couldn’t let Eren stand there and lie. Once again, he found himself banging on Erwin’s door, because maybe, just maybe, the man could help him rid himself of the guilt that was consuming him. When Erwin opened, he stood back immediately, a reminder than Levi was welcome. Somewhere through his recitation of events, Levi had found himself crying. Somewhere else through his recitation of events, Erwin’s arm wrapped around his shoulders and made him feel safe at last. He cried his final tears for Eren Jeager that evening. He told Erwin this, let him know that he wouldn’t linger any more on him. It earned him a sweet smile, a tight hug, and words of pride and happiness. Levi could get through this, if not alone, with friends by his side. With Erwin and Hanji in tow, he knew he could get through anything.

 

The walk to Milo’s was a difficult one.

Eren didn’t know if he would even want to see him, but he needed to try. He needed to be held, and Milo was the only person who could provide that in the way Eren needed. He craved love and affection, but he didn’t want to use Milo. He wanted something with him. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to fall in love with Milo. He wanted to be able to lie with him, travel with him, see everything with him. But he had never imagined that with anyone but Levi. Levi had been his one and only for such a long time. In his mind, Eren knew Levi had been right; Eren liked the familiarity. Levi had been with him through his worst and now, for the first time in such a long time, he was at a low and he was alone for it. The three sharp knocks were obvious but it took far too long for Milo to answer. Eren knew it would. When the door swung open, Milo didn’t even try to pretend he didn’t know who it would be. He walked back into his home almost immediately, not quite inviting Eren in but not turning him away either.

“Given the look on your face, I assume he didn’t take you back.”

Eren nodded at Milo’s back.

“And since you’re here, you want to apologise for earlier?”

They had reached the living room and Milo had dropped onto the sofa.

“Milo, before you say anything else, I want to say again, I didn’t want him back. I barely got a word out to him, he kind of bitched me out in front of an entire café and stormed off and then bitched me out _again_ on the street.”

“Huh, I’ve never met the guy but I didn’t think that would be his thing.”

Eren sat near him, not quite close enough for them to touch by accident.

“It’s normally not, he hasn’t forgiven me, I guess.”

“And are _you_ okay?”

Eren stiffened. He had expected Milo to be angrier. Not to be concerned. 

“I’m alright, I guess. I mean, it’s always going to be upsetting to have someone you care about scream at you, but it’s not that bad, I don’t feel as bad as I expected. I tried, and he just…didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“And where do you want me to be in all this?”

Milo was inching closer, the fabric of his button up tickled Eren’s arm.

“With me. Just…I want…you. But, I know that this whole thing has skewed a lot for you and I know that you’re a bit hesitant, and I’m not, like, blaming you, I just don’t want to force you or rush or anything. I like you, I really like you, but right now, I need you to just be here for me. And I would really like to try to have something with you, once we’re ready.”

Milo was silent, and with a sideways glace, Eren saw that he was staring at the floor. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

“I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me after all of this, I know I’ve been a hassle…”

 “No, no. I still…I really like you, and I want something with you.”

Milo finally looked at him. He moved, crossing the small space to wrap an arm around Eren.

“I know everything has been really hard for you, and I know earlier was not easy and I’m sorry, I feel like I was out of line. Honestly, I’m still kind of pissed off, but I will forgive you. It’s water under the bridge. Any time you need me, I’ll be here. I want the best for you, and I will always be your friend.”

Eren felt his heart beating faster and he leaned into Milo’s touch. He tilted his jaw up, Milo’s hair tickled his cheek and he could feel the heat radiating from him. He felt like he could hear Milo’s heart thumping just as loud as his own.

“But when you’re ready for someone new, when you want to be with me and you’re willing to let me give all of me to you, you tell me.”

Milo turned, and his lips were scarcely an inch away from Eren’s. His amber eyes searched through Eren’s green, looking for a hopeful glint, a small sign that it was possible, that they had a future.

“You tell me, and I will love you in every way I know how.”


	9. Chapter 9

Levi had not been speaking out of anger. The following week was spent packing up between work days. The moment he realized Eren was not coming back, he wanted out of that home.

On Saturday, Eren showed up. He stood awkwardly at the door, alone. Armin and Jean had agreed to help him move his things out, seeing as Jean had a car, but they wouldn’t be available for a while. They agreed to text him when they were on the way. He felt awkward standing there, outside his former home. He had been looking into places with Mikasa and they had found an apartment to suit them. It mean Jean and Armin could live together as a proper engaged couple. They were more than ready. Mikasa was already at their new place sorting out her new bedroom. She had not reacted well upon hearing about their fight but she accepted that Eren could manage. And now, he wished he had brought her When Levi opened, he looked tired. Very tired.

“Uh, hey.”

“Hi, your stuff is basically all ready. Have a look around in case I missed anything.”

Levi walked away immediately, back into their bedroom. Eren wandered through, looking at cookbooks they had shared but were really Levi’s. Their spare suitcase sat in the living room, open with DVDs, CDs, books and the clothes he had left behind. There were some ornaments still up that he had brought along with a roll of bubble wrap beside a box. He picked out the ones that he had brought and received. While he wrapped, he could hear Levi folding. He always murmured when he folded. He had expected more awkwardness and a lot more anger but Levi had just been all business.

Levi had been meticulous, but Eren couldn’t help wanting to know if Levi had left anything of his in their room.

Their room.

Could he call it that anymore?

He wandered through the house, edging closer to that room but not quite entering just yet.

 

Levi folded through piles of shirts. His mind wandered back to his teenage years, going back further with every new crease.

 

_The tap dripped non-stop while his mother moved around their home. She was collecting things, everything they cared about and needed. At 16, Levi didn’t understand. When his dad left last year, he didn’t see need to leave their home. They had always lived here. But when his mother looked at him through dark lashes that mirrored his own, and a look filled with exhaustion and heartache, he knew he would agree to anything she wanted. He didn’t expect moving to be what she wanted. But he didn’t question. Obediently, he packed his clothes and books. It wasn’t until they walked through their new door in a small house across town that the load that weighed down his mother’s smile seemed to lift. They spent the day unpacking, making sure everything now had a place. Just as he finished making his new bed (while secretly praying it would be as comfortable as the one he was used to), his mother came in. She sat on the fresh bed, smiling at her dear son’s decorations. He sat next to her and looked up. She looked more awake than she had in months, her smile was fresh and pleasant, and Levi knew that he would have done things far more dramatic than make a move across town to see that smile again._

_“Levi, I need you to promise me something.”_

_He nodded. Anything to keep her smiling._

_“If you share your home with someone, and they do anything to hurt you, don’t wait. You’ll want to go back to that place and relive every happy memory you had, and you’ll dwell. You’ll waste time begging for old happy times and you’ll forget to move on, and to live, and to treat yourself in the ways you deserve. Make sure you leave, okay? I love you, petal, I do, and I don’t want you to deal with that, ever.”_

He had been staring at the folded shirts while his mother’s words rang through his ears. He hadn’t called her in a while, she didn’t know what was happening with him and Eren.

There was a knock.

Levi looked up, not sure what he was expecting even though he knew Eren was here.

“I, uh, just wanted to see if I left anything in here.”

Levi just nodded. He had tried to keep his face a stone, but even now he felt it betray him. A strange feeling crept through his stomach, a mixture of disgust and the ice cold fingers of despondency seemed to be sinking into him. He ignored Eren’s stroll around the room, focusing on his folding, but Eren’s presence was throwing him off balance. Even with the bed stripped and the walls empty, some small voice in the back of his mind was whispering that this was still their room.

Levi felt his breath hitch and his heart crack just a little more. Steps toward him told him Eren heard his gasp.

“Levi.”

A warm hand touched the small of his back, and it almost felt normal again. He wanted to turn, to wrap himself around Eren, sob into his neck, kiss him in every way, to go back to what they once were.

But that wasn’t going to happen.

Levi would never let that happen again. The once welcome leap of his heart at Eren’s touch was now a sense of resentment and hurt, all a memory of what Eren had done and what Levi had lost.

With a great deal of hesitation, he stepped away from Eren’s touch.

“I’m fine, do you have everything?”

He didn’t so much as glance at Eren, but he heard quiet sobs.

“I know what I did was wrong, but I wish you wouldn’t be so cold.”

Eren sniffled and turned away. Levi knew, even if he would never be with Eren again, it would be a shame to end without any chance of friendship.

“Eren wait.”

The younger man turned, his jaw slack in surprise.

“I don’t…I’d hate for us to walk away with our last chat having been a fight. Look, this is hard, I know it’s hard for you too, but please understand that forgiveness is hard. You broke my heart, no one has ever gotten close to that before. I’ve been hurt, sure, but nothing on this level. I do want us to get over it, and even if we won’t be together again, we should at least try as friends.”

Eren nodded vigorously, eyes threatening to overflow with tears.

“Yes, thank you. That means a lot, Levi.”

The boy smiled and even if they could never be the way that had made them so happy, they both knew it was for the best.

Eren had left soon after. They had hugged at the door, and through the awkwardness, Levi could feel himself starting to heal. He thought back to his mother. Would she have forgiven his father? His father had been worse, but would it have helped her?

Absentmindedly, he pressed his phone to his ear as it rang. He looked around at the now empty room. The other rooms had been emptied and his bags were by the door. Much like his first move at 16, he didn’t have much. Some pictures, a few small ornaments, along with his books and clothes. He was double checking everything in his mind when his mother picked up.

“Hello, dear, is everything alright?”

“Hey, mom. Yeah, I’m fine, I just wanted to check in on you.”

“Levi, I am your mother, I know when you’re not feeling okay. Come on, what is it?”

He signed but there was a smile.

“Well, Eren and I…we’re not together anymore.”

“Oh, Levi, I’m so sorry, what happened?”

“Things just didn’t work out, the age difference really did turn out to be a problem, but at least we know now. We’re friends…kind of. I’m moving out of our apartment.”

He knew she was nodding.

“Good. Where are you going, though? Do you have another place sorted?”

Always fussing. It was a good feeling to have someone worrying about him.

“I’m actually sorting it out now, don’t worry.”

“You know you can always come back here.”

Levi shook his head, smiling again.

“Mom, I am 30 years old, I can’t move in with my mom.”

“Yes, you can! Darius would be delighted!”

“That’s okay, there are things I do not need to hear, mom.”

“I am still a young woman, Levi, I still have a fine 30 years in me!”

The beeping of another incoming call distracted him.

 “I have to go mom, not that I’m not enjoying the trauma, I have another call, might be one of the apartment landlords.”

“Alright, you be safe, dear. I’m proud of you for getting out of there quickly, I’m glad you listened to me back then. I love you.”

“Love you too, mom, bye.”

 

He switched the calls without looking.

 

“Hello?”

“Levi, any luck?” Erwin’s voice tickled his eardrum.

“Not yet, I was just talking to mom, seeing how she was. She invited me back in with her.”

“That wouldn’t be a bad idea…”

“Erwin, I refuse to allow myself to listen to my mother and Darius having sex.”

Erwin laughed heartily.

“Well, if you can’t find anywhere, you’re more than welcome to live with me.”

Levi paused.

“Seriously?”

“We lived together once Levi, I know it was in college, but it was never a problem. You’re a clean person and that’s all I need in a roommate.”

Levi thought for a second. It did mean living with someone he already knew and trusted. It also meant not being alone.

“You know, I think I would really like that.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I mean, you’re one of my best friends, and I can deal with living with you, it’d be nice to not be alone. Just for a while, anyway.”

“When do you want to bring everything over?”

“Well, I have everything ready now, I don’t know if my car is big enough to do it in one journey though.”

“I can drive over if you want? You’ve sorted everything with your landlord?”

“Yeah, he’s fine with everything, he was very helpful, actually.”

“I can come over in maybe an hour? Just want to get the guest room ready to be all yours.”

Levi nodded again.

“Thanks, Erwin. It means a lot to me.”

“No problem, it’ll be good to have you around. We’ll talk about rent and stuff once you’re settled. I’ll see you in about an hour.”

“See you then.”

They hung up, and Levi smiled. This was working out so well. A roommate would be nice, especially one he already trusted and knew. It meant a bit more security. He carried his final bag out to the kitchen to join the others.

Levi hated admitting it, but he had been lonely. He wasn’t used to the house being so quiet and even though he had liked it at the start, he felt it catch up on him.

_This is a good step._

He knew this would help, that it meant he was moving forward and was on his way to getting over Eren and everything that had happened. He couldn’t deny that he missed Eren, but after everything that had happened, he needed space. Even with their road to friendship set, it would be a while before he could truly forgive Eren.

 He went to the kitchen to pack up his food, noting how little he had been eating once again. There was so little in the cupboards but it was worth bringing. Sharing groceries with Erwin would be a fun experience, he was a good cook. He settled on his couch, checking through e-mails while he waited for his new roommate.

 

A man of his word as always, Erwin showed up an hour later. Levi was silently thanking him for buying the massive car he had originally objected to. Erwin carried the bigger bags, stuffed with books and big ornaments, and Levi followed with his clothes. With everything tucked into their back seats, Levi jogged back up the stairs to his now old apartment. He strolled through, triple checking cupboards and drawers for any important bits and pieces that he may have missed. He knew Erwin had followed him, in case he needed to take anything else down.

While he strolled through the apartment, a lot of memories came back, from when Eren had first come through those doors and snuck into his room. He remembered their first night together and every night they had spent together since. A year and a half of his life. He felt a nauseous heat spread through his stomach.

_This must be how mom felt when we were getting ready to leave._

“Levi.”

Erwin was by his side, an arm around his shoulders as he stared at his apartment as if it were some disgusting monster, threatening to bite but completely unable.

“Do you want a few minutes alone?”

Erwin’s heat was comforting, just like always. The scent of Erwin’s cologne surrounded him and he felt better.

“No, I think I’m ready to go. Everything is just coming back. I told you about when my dad left, right?”

Erwin nodded beside him, eyes trained on his cheek.

“Mom waited a whole year to leave our house, like the one we always had with him. I remember how tired she looked, even though she was doing all the same things, and when we left, she was better straight away. She just got all her life back, you know? I think I understand now why she felt so tired. I remember when we got to our new house, she sat with me and she said “If you share your home with someone, and they do anything to hurt you, don’t wait. Make sure you leave”. When I realized that Eren wasn’t going to be living here again, I remembered that. I think when I close this door for the last time, I’m going to know how she felt.”

“You will, you’ll feel a lot better when you’re away from here.” Erwin’s arm tightened around him.

“I think I’m ready.”

Erwin nodded and moved to pull his arm away, but Levi stopped him with a hand on his forearm. He put the key on the counter and nodded at Erwin.

Instead of separating to leave, they turned together. Levi couldn’t deny the urge to look over his shoulder, but he screamed at himself to wait until he closed the door. And with that tiny click, his heart felt lighter. As they walked down the hall, still entwined, he felt like air was filling his lungs properly for the first time in a while. The wrenching sickness in his gut started to drift away. They parted ways at their cars.

“You know where the parking is in my building?”

Levi nodded at him.

“You’ll be okay once you get some dinner in you.”

Levi smiled, always the solution.

Erwin’s apartment wasn’t far, but Levi took the time to acknowledge the relief. It was good, it was immediately better. Eren was at the back of his mind, and his new home was at the forefront. The barely lit underground parking in Erwin’s building was familiar, but now he knew he would see it more. Work was still rather close, thankfully. As he pulled into the space beside Erwin’s, someone was marching towards their car. He got out cautiously and suddenly there were arms around him and the familiar smell of coconut and vanilla engulfed him.

“Levi, I am so glad you’re finally away from him, and you’re here, and you’re safe, and we can help you, we will get you through this!”

“Thank you, Hanji.”

“What can I do? Let me know, anything at all.”

“Well…right now, you can help us carry up the bags I brought.

It took a while to get everything up to Erwin’s apartment but straight away, Levi started setting things around where he wanted in his room. Erwin had offered him space for any ornaments that he had but he declined, he was glad for his preference for minimalism. The few ornaments he had were very much for his own room. Erwin was working on dinner, Hanji was helping him and Levi was so soothed by the sounds around him. It felt like he was at home again. It had been so long since he had been able to settle, even in his own home. Now he sat in his new room, clothes tucked away, pictures hung and ornaments in place, listening to the ticking of his favourite clock and the voices of his two dearest friends and his heart was finally better.

When Erwin’s voice rung through the door, calling about dinner, Levi stood quickly, but stopped his pacing at the door. He looked back, admiring the room once again, and only one thing came to mind.

_I know how you felt, mom._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to confirm what is in the tags already, this is now past ereri. They are no longer together and will not be together for the foreseeable future. I hate to come across as bitchy, but I have gotten so many comments across both the platforms I update with this regarding this ship, even though I have tagged it. Consider this your very own PSA from me. Past Ereri.  
> I hope you're all enjoying the fic, thank you for sticking with me :)   
> Note: The Darius mentioned IS Darius Zackley.


	10. Chapter 10

Levi’s move came just in time. The Summer Exams rolled around just a few weeks later, and between hours of work, Levi had yet to truly appreciate living with Erwin. But Thursday brought the final exam, and after the final hour of standing in rigid silence listening to the scratching of pens and sighs of frustration, Levi was more than happy to get back home. He bounded through the door, expecting Erwin in the kitchen.

“Hello?”

He kicked off his shoes by the door and roamed through the apartment. He put his phone down on the kitchen table.

“Erwin?” He poked his head around the door to the living room, he even dared look in Erwin’s bedroom before confirming he was alone. He let out a breath, and let himself into his room. He had gotten far too used to the sight of these four walls. Every evening had been a rushed dinner and more hours of work both on the exams and on his regular work. Now, he flopped back on the bed, unbuttoning his shirt as he lay there. He pulled off the shirt and threw it towards the hamper. The duvet beneath him brushed against his bare shoulder blades, and his mind wandered to how empty his apartment was. The frustration of work and moving had preoccupied him, and he could feel the stress giving him a clear indication of how to be rid of it. He let his hand glaze down over his stomach, resting for a moment on hard hip bones. Pale hands roamed between his legs and pressed to the stiffening bulge there. He drew in a tiny breath and started to unbutton his trousers.

 

Erwin was running late. He hated being late home, he and Levi had gotten into a nice routine. -Even though they had gotten very little time to actually spend time together outside of having dinner every evening, now that Levi had free time over Summer, Erwin was hoping they could try some new places. See museums, galleries, taste new foods and have new experiences. Erwin had decided today would be the first of those experiences. The store, however, was eager to stop his plans. After waiting for no less than 10 minutes at the meat counter alone and surviving the shop long queues, Erwin was out, bags in the back and sights set on home. Traffic wasn’t on his side either. The hum of the engine was driving him mad. He tapped the wheel, even though home was just ten minutes from here, he knew it would be while before he saw his front door.

 

Levi wiggled his trousers off of his hips, followed swiftly by his boxers. The duvet was now pressed to his bare skin, a towel by his side and a bottle of lube beside it. He rarely took this kind of time, but with only empty walls to hear his groans, he wanted it to be the best it could be after so long. He traced his inner thighs with slight fingertips and felt warmth soak through him. He was half hard already, and his lazy stroking sent little shocks through him. He savoured the sensation. Gentle fingertips rolled over the skin of his stomach and tweaked a pert nipple. Little tickles of breath puffed through his parted lips and he reached for the lube, popping it open and letting it slick his fingers. He rarely bottomed, he hadn’t in a very long time, but alone, he frequently entertained the sensations it brought. He reached between his legs, adjusting his hips to make himself more comfortable. He pressed a finger to his hole and slid it in slowly. He gasped at the feeling, his eyes slid closed and his head tilted back. He felt his hips automatically rolling against his own finger, and he slipped in a second, letting out a loud groan.

 

Erwin slid his key in and unlocked the door. He looked around.

_Levi must be late too._

He started pulling pans out, unintentionally loud. Ingredients dotted the counter and he took a moment to send a text to Levi.

 **Just wondering when you’ll be home, dinner will be about an hour.**  
**  
** A jingle from the table drew him away from his preparation.

Levi’s mouth was open and his breath was ragged. Two fingers were pressing into him while his free hand pumped his length. His legs were spread, his cheeks were red and his skin was covered in a veil of sweat.

He was a picture of pure lust.

His fingers curled and he moaned, long and loud, the image of a well-built man over him, pounding into him with hot breath hitting his neck.

 

Erwin stood by the table, Levi never forgot his phone. 

_Is he here, or-_

Erwin’s thought were cut out by a low moan. The hair on the back of his neck stood 

_Did he bring someone home?_

Curiosity pulled at him, and he found himself walking through the house.

He stopped when he saw the gap in Levi’s door. The mental war started within Erwin.

_Can I peek in? No, no, that’s wrong, he’s my friend, he’ll tell me if he feels the need for me to know._

A groan broke through his thoughts, calling him in.

 _What if he’s in pain? What if someone is forcing themselves on him?_  Erwin knew he was just convincing himself to look in, but he ignored the guilt, and moved closer to the door. There, on the other side, Levi was on his back, legs spread, finger fucking himself and moaning like no one could hear.

_He mustn’t have heard me come in._

Erwin wanted to walk away. He wanted to stop this. He felt like he was spying on his friend, he was, of course, but he couldn’t. His tongue glazed over his lips and he felt his trousers strain against his hardening length. Levi’s back arched and Erwin saw Levi’s erection wrapped in his other hand. He shook his head.

_No, no, this is Levi, this is my friend._

Another moan sent electricity through Erwin and he stepped back. Dinner would have to wait.

The bathroom across the way was close enough to hear Levi, he didn’t need the image, it was already burned into his eyelids. He slipped in and left the door cracked open so he could still hear Levi’s sweet ministrations. He pressed his forearm to the wall, supporting himself while he pushed his trousers down just low enough to pull his length from his boxers. He wrapped a hand around his member and stroked himself slowly first. Levi’s gasps were carrying through and making Erwin think of Levi in ways he had not considered since they were teens. He closed his eyes, letting the memory of Levi in the next room fill his mind. The gasps and moans were getting quicker, more desperate and Erwin’s hand seemed to follow suit. But the memory changed, instead to an image. Levi underneath him, his hands pinned under one of Erwin’s, their faces only inches apart, Erwin’s free hand grasping Levi’s hip, Levi’s moans hitting his lips.

 

Levi felt his orgasm wavering on the horizon, but he wasn’t ready yet. He slowed his strokes. His imagination was twisting and changing the man in his mind. The shoulders became familiar ones that had soothed him in hard times, hands became the ones that had held him, the hair that tickled his forehead became the wonted blonde of his best friend. Erwin’s face was above his own while their hips slapped together. The image brought Levi’s climax closer, and he felt the quiver of orgasm waver in his lower belly. His hand pumped faster, his fingers pressed harder and his moans bounced from the walls.

 

Erwin pumped faster, hips snapping into his hand and his teeth burying in his lip. Levi was getting louder and Erwin couldn’t deny what it did to him. He was edging closer, tensions building in him. He was breathing hard. Sweat rolled over his brow and he felt the first flutter of orgasm. His imagination hadn’t stopped, Levi’s arms wrapped around his shoulders, their foreheads together, breaths mingling, moans amalgamating, bodies writhing together, Erwin’s arms wrapped around Levi’s middle, their lips meeting as they got closer to their orgasms. Levi’s sounds were getting louder, and the name falling through his lips caught his breath.

 

With his fingers fucking him sloppily and his other hand pumping him, Levi was close, but the edge seemed hard to reach. Thoughts of his friend pounding into him, pulling him closer, nipping and sucking at free skin, filthy words caressing his lobes. His breaths were mixed with moans, his heart was pounding and nothing in that moment could stop him crying out.

 

Erwin’s orgasm was there, teasing him. Until he heard Levi cry out a name. His name.

“Erwin!”

The utterance was enough to push him over the edge, he grunted and bit down on his lip as sticky cum covered his hand. He leaned on the wall, breathing hard.

 

Levi’s eyes squeezed shut as he called Erwin’s name. Stars spotted the darkness as his orgasm rattled through him. His breath caught as his cum splattered across his stomach. He slipped his fingers out, and wiped them on the towel that was cleaning his stomach. To his disgust, he felt a little puddle of drool on his cheek. He pulled himself up lazily. At least the bathroom was close.

 

Erwin rushed out of the bathroom and back to the kitchen. His hand had been washed and he knew Levi wouldn’t wait long before showering. Sure enough, as soon as he clicked the oven on, he heard doors clicking and the shower raining on. He couldn’t let Levi know he had overheard him. Instead he pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind, focusing on dinner.

 

Half an hour later, Levi opened the door of the bathroom and wandered through to the kitchen in his bathrobe. He jumped when he saw Erwin standing over a pot of potatoes.

“Erwin! You’re home.” The blush on his cheeks gave everything away, and Erwin couldn’t tell him, not with that amount of embarrassment.

“Yeah, I got in while you were in the shower, didn’t want to distract you.” He smiled.

“Dinner will be another little while though. Relax. Your Summer started today, right?”

“Yeah, it’s nice, I need to get away from teenagers.”

“Really?”

Levi leaned against the counter.

“It reminds me of a lot of things. I love English and grammar, my job should be enough, but I think I need a change. I’ll accept my holidays and enjoy them, but I think I want a change. I could do a lot. Get a less stressful job, dealing with less people, maybe even get back to writing myself.”

Erwin nodded and instead of replying, he got some glasses.

“Wine?”

“Yes, please. Do you think I could? Could I do another job?”

“I don’t know, I expect so. You could integrate easily into a quieter job.”

Levi nodded and watched Erwin pouring the wine.

“It would be pleasant, you know? Teaching is fine, but…” Levi trailed off, finishing his statement with a wiggling hand gesture.

“Yeah, you could do something else. Take your holidays to see what you’d like to do. I’m sure you can find something.”

Levi smiled at him, in a way he hadn’t seen before.

“Thank you for being honest with me, I need that kind of reassurance. It’s nice to live with someone who knows how to give it. Do you want any help?”

The end of the sentence through him off, but Erwin refused.

“No, no thank you, you can go get dressed if you want.”

The shorter man left and Erwin let out a breath. Something in the air between them was different now. It was tiny, but it was different. He went back to dinner, trying to concentrate, but mind constantly drifting to his friend.

 

While he changed, Levi tried to get back to regular breathing. Something with Erwin seemed so different. The moment talking about his job, it had become something new. The way they spoke in the kitchen, it felt like they had lived together for years instead of just barely a month. The level of comfort was so sudden that Levi found it hard to process. His heart was beating differently and he was looking at Erwin with new eyes. Eyes he hadn’t known since he had first met Eren after that drunken night out.

 

The smell working through the house was making Levi even hungrier than he already was. He was silent when he went into the kitchen, Erwin didn’t notice. He stopped in the door, his eyes landing on Erwin. He was focused on mashing potatoes, eyes glazed over, deep in thought. Levi felt a flicker in his stomach. He was staring, he knew that, and when Erwin’s eyes flicked up to meet his, the uncomfortably warm rush that spread through him from his stomach was enough. Erwin smiled and Levi’s heartbeat pounded in his throat. He smiled back, and he knew that there was not much he wouldn’t do to see that smile every night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we have finally made the Eruri transition! :D I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I LOVED writing it, especially towards the end. Writing people in love is easier than writing sex, I can assure you. As always, comments are appreciated, and I hope you enjoyed :)


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